Okay so I (19F) genuinely need someone else’s perspective because I feel like I’m loosing my mind.
Okay so basically my mum asked me earlier today if I wanted to go food shopping with her. I obviously said yes straight away because 1. We don’t spend alot of time together even though we live in the same household 2. I needed to stay awake (I have college tomorrow and don’t want to nap during the day and mess my sleep up) I told her I’d be ready in about 20 minutes. That was no issue at all she was totally fine with that.
Not even ten minutes later shes suddenly rushing around and shouting at me to get ready right now or she’s leaving without me? I was confused because it was literally 11am and she’d just agreed to 20 minutes?? So I just asked what the rush was. Turns out the rush was that her boyfriend was waiting at the top of the street to come with us this is when I started getting irritated because I swear the second he’s involved, everything becomes urgent. My time, plans, and comfort immediately stop mattering.
I asked why I needed to rush just because he decided to turn up with zero notice. Her response was basically just a “it doesn’t even matter” the she threw a jacket on and ran out the door rushing to get him. Naturally at this point I was annoyed but like still trying to make it work so I asked what the actual plan was and if I should still get ready. She said she was coming home and then we’d go get the shopping together. I asked when because I didn’t want to sit around dressed and waiting for hours. She said 20 minutes. 40 minutes passed. No sign of her. I called again asked if plans changed she said she was “just popping into a shop for one thing” and would be home in 10 minutes maximum and to make sure I was ready with my jacket and shoes on.
TWO hours passed. I called her already annoyed and she told me she was in town doing shopping with him, not for things we need. For his things. I snapped, I called her a liar and told her essentially that she was stupid as fuck because by the time she’s done his shopping the shops will be closing and we will have no food in. It was already around 3pm. Most shops near to us close around 5ish but she wouldn’t listen.
I mean, the phone call ended with her telling me I’m a spoiled brat that thinks I’m entitled to her time… I called her a selfish bitch who only cares about male validation, and not about keeping a heat on or feeding herself, me and our cat. (Which I think is pretty on the money) I know I went too far with the names I called her. I’m not proud of that and I don’t think that part was okay. But at the same time I feel like she messed with my time all day and doesn’t even care theirs no food in for us to eat tonight.
So yeah AITA?
Wow. Nta
Your mom has issues and I’m sorry you don’t have the mother you deserve
NTA. I suggest you stop expecting she would behave differently and prioritize your needs.
Well, I guess you found out who’s more important. Sorry OP. I myself would not stand for any of that even from my mother, however my mother wouldn’t ever have done that.
I guess make plans to do your own groceries in the future. You are not a spoiled brat and you are correct at least in content of what you said. I hope she grabbed some things that you 2 needed.
It astounds me how women drop everything for a man. This man knows what strings to pull with your mom. Why didn’t he just walk down to your house and you could have all went together? Your mom sent a clear message to you and that is her piece of azz is more important than you. I hope you can get out of there soon. NTAH
NTA. She is not reliable. It’s time to think about how you will take care of yourself.
Yeah NTA
Mom is a flake and prioritizes bf over time with daughter AND previously made arrangements.
Understandably words got flung around in the heat of the moment and at least you regret that.
Did your mom even apologize to you about flaking on you ?
If not then I think that by now you know that you or time with you is less important to her than bf.
So make mature decisions on your time with her, don’t expect her to keep it, hence set yourself up for flexibility.
Good luck
Nta. Sounds like you mom is acting like the spoiled brat who thinks she’s entitled to your time.
The fact you took 2 hours to call her after she said be ready and waiting in 10 minutes is kind of wild though… What did you do that whole time? Why didn’t you call her after 15 min? Clearly this is something that is somewhat of a pattern. Hold he to a higher standard, tell her that from now on if she’s 5 minutes late she’s getting a phone call. Don’t let her disrespect your time like this by changing plans on you without updating you. And make sure that’s the key point here. You’re not upset with what she did, but that she didn’t tell you about her change of plans and didn’t have any respect for your time.
Edit: NTA (changed from I-N-F-O)
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Do you live in the US or a similar country where it’s expected that children will be more independent by the time they’re 18 and older? Do you have a car, do you live in a walkable area, or is it culturally expected that you should be able to drive by now? Do you have a job? School? Did you have an agreement with your mother about how things would work once you became an adult?
Obviously she’s being an asshole for wasting your time and ditching you for a guy, that’s not in question.
I only ask these things because I was totally with you until you started in on her about not caring about feeding you and your cat and only caring about male validation at the expense of grocery shopping, etc. and then I was leaning more E-S-H, because where I’m from a 19 year old is expected to be able to feed themselves and even move out while parents are expected to get more freedom to live their own lives (obviously she’s still being rude AF regardless) but maybe you live in an area where it’s expected that parents continue to provide care for children after 18.
Either way, if it’s feasible, maybe think about moving out or at least finding other ways to feed yourself. She’s obviously not prioritizing any of that.
No I totally understand why you’d ask, i am actually pretty independent and do food shops for myself occasionally, im living at home because im a full time student right now i am planning to get my own place eventually when im more stable and thats always been okay with my mom. Just today it was agreed that we were getting a big food shop for the house because we have nothing in the house.
I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your don’t have a mother anymore. You have a bad roommate. I’m sorry this has happened. You’re going to have to take care of everything you can by yourself now, don’t bother relying on her. Check to see if your college has a food pantry, or if you’re entitled to any benefits. Your spelling makes me think you’re in the UK, so it might be worth checking if you’re receiving council benefits and making sure that they’re sent to YOUR account, not your mother’s. Oh, also, if you’re at the same bank as your mother, make a new account at a different bank and transfer all your money there. Decent odds she’s got access to your existing account.
First and foremost, you’re a human being and despite her being a parent, your time matters as well. It’s wrong for her to treat you in a way that she is doing, because in reverse, she would have reacted the same way if you prioritize your boyfriend first. It’s sad, real real sad. Those are parents that think that just because you’re a child, it doesn’t matter and ignore how you feel.
You are not wrong for the way how you suppose to feel, but the cursing wouldn’t make anything better. Parents work like this. If the sky is blue, they will say no it is red, no argument. You are not alone. If she thinks (which most parents do) talking about it is a waste of time, ignore her. Nothing is more worse than having your feelings ignored and it’s just a waste of time explaining right when she doesn’t see it.
If I was you, I would just focus on getting the things for yourself.
NTA – I’m sorry you have such a selfish parent
Tell her No. Just be unavailable…she’s going to choose him every time. Now that you know that, just tell her no and explain why. She’s unreliable. Don’t waste your time marching to her drum, it doesn’t beat for you, only him.