Here’s the context: I, 25 (M) and 24 (F) have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. Recently she bought me a gift as a surprise for the holidays, she got me a machine which was decent and under 50$. Also, not to sound materialistic or anything, I also bought her gifts which would total to the amount of 100$.
I was really excited and happy for the gift and have been testing it out since I’m really into coffee but not making my own. Since getting the machine, I’ve been looking for an upgrade because what she got doesn’t really give the freedom to practice and learn more and underperforms. I’ve been talking to her about the machines I have seen and told her that I’m considering to buy one myself in a few months time. She got upset and told me I don’t appreciate the gift however, it was the reason why I got motivated to learn more about making my own coffee. I’m not disappointed about the price or how it performs, I’m just genuinely looking for a machine more capable and not even considering throwing her gift out.
Edit: I simply added the prices because people sometimes ask if I gave the same or not. I do not care about the monetary value.
NTA but you need to think about why your thinking “Also, not to sound materialistic or anything, I also bought her gifts which would total to the amount of 100$” more. Says a lot about you.
Sounds like you are comparing how much you spent on her gift vs how much she spent on your gift
What kind of machine? Like a coffee maker? A bean grinder?
> not to sound materialistic or anything…
then immediately includes a $50 vs $100 comparison, which is the whole subtext here.
N T A for outgrowing an entry-level machine. YTA for the attitude and the score-keeping. Feels like there’s more going on than ‘I just want to learn coffee.’
YTA strictly for how you went about it. This entire posts just feels like your shitting on what she got and fantasizing about a better model as opposed to simply appreciating the fact she got you anything. I would’ve waited till the next holiday or something and then mention it wanting another, whilst expressing gratitude over the other and appreciation for her getting you into it. Getting something an then immediately turning around and saying “I want a better one” just feels entirely inconsiderate and make you come off as unappreciative. It likely made her feel like she fucked up getting the one she did, and now feels like what she gave you wasn’t good enough
N T A for wanting to experiment with a more complex machine, but let’s be real, that’s not your actual motivation. You just feel like you deserved a better one because it was less expensive than what you spent. So definitely YTA for trying to compare prices like that. The fact that you even included that part says everything about your attitude and YTA for trying to use it as an excuse.
Ah to be young. I assume you’re talking about an espresso machine. Hate to break it to you… a good machine is going to be 20x that. Now… if you really want to get into coffee, keep the espresso gift and just get a v60 and look up James Hoffman on YT. Just dont go overboard and get a stagg kettle or $10k grinder.
Love how you kinda assume that we know that you’re talking about a coffee machine. I got it, but for simplicity and clarity it could have been mentioned in the first paragraph, instead of ‘a machine’.
If you’re getting into coffee and machines – get comfortable spending some bucks. I know for sure that whatever you got for $50 is indeed absolute rubbish. It needs to be freshly ground and a ceramic grind is better than a plastic ones.
The “not to sound materialistic” part is icky. I’m a traditional girl. Imo, men wish for new socks and sweaters and frying pans and should always spend a little more on their girl. However if that’s not your style, you should agree upon a spending limit beforehand.
This is just you being passive-aggressive because you’re mad you didn’t get the dollar value you wanted out of it.
And she’s right, you don’t appreciate it.
Not to sound materialistic…
Yes, you do.
YTA. Why are you comparing how much you both spent on eachother? That shouldn’t matter.
And you had no interest in it before, so why can’t you use it for a year and say “hey, I’m thinking of getting myself an upgrade as a Christmas present to myself!” Whats the rush?
You didn’t have a coffee machine. Now you do. Appreciate the thought