**POSTING EDITS UP HERE**
EDIT:
1. because it was only over night I only packed pj packs and was wearing these jeans the next morning I had clean underwear to change into however and was able to get a pad it was more so she cared more about the museum than reassuring me it was okay.
2. When I told her. I bled through I was already fixing the issue it was more so to advise her that we may be running a bit late.
3. I normally tract my period pretty well as I have a consistent schedule and also track it but the medicine I am on has changed that (which I knew)
4. The reason I was upset wasn’t because I wanted her help it was mainly because she cared more about missing time from the museum than my feelings
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I (27 f) and my partner (32 f) were both invited to go away for a night in the city by my parents, we were both excited for it as we haven’t been able to do anything together these Christmas holidays due to work and her having to visit her family so we wanted to make the most of the day we were away.
She had mentioned a while back she wanted to go to a metal museum so we thought it would be a perfect opportunity to go in early and go, then head to our hotel to hang with our family. Flash forward to the day and I have had my period for almost 4-5 days now and I hadn’t had any bleeding since the morning before so I thought I was in the clear (I have been taking medicine that does alter my cycle a bit but never had an issue)
I didn’t think I would need to wear anything when I woke up this morning to leave so I didn’t as I know my body pretty well. When we arrived at the hotel the plan was we would get the key from my parents, drop our bags into the room and then leave to go the museum. Once we had gotten to the room I was a bit paranoid and went to check to make sure and when I did I had bleed through my underwear and pants. I felt super embarrassed as I haven’t had this since I was a teenager but I thought it’s fine I’ll wash my pants and dry them with the hair dryer (I was scared to tell her as she gets upset when plans change due to her possibly having undiagnosed autism)
I decide to tell her as we may need to wait maybe 20 minutes while I dried them but I was also a little bit embarrassed and was seeking some sort of comfort to be told it is okay and it happens. Instead all she said was okay and when I ask if she was mad she so nah.
Not understanding why she was blunt I asked what is wrong and she said she “knew we wouldn’t go to the museum” upset with this remark as this isn’t something I planned on doing I said “you could be a bit more understanding” and it seemed to annoy her as she started say things like “just move on and dry your pants” and “why do you rely on people for comfort like be self sufficient”
I tried to ask her why she thinks these things but she keeps directing it at me and so now I’ve just completely shut down and haven’t spoken a word to her in almost 20 minutes. I’m laying in bed waiting for my pants to dry but she still hasn’t said sorry or acknowledged her wrong doing and has even gone as far as saying “you’re just looking to mope” and “this is a you issue”.
Am I asking too much she makes me feel needy and crazy for wanting comfort when I’m upset and am I being an asshole for now ignoring her?
You were staying at the hotel but didn’t bring clean clothes?
you’re not wrong here. periods are normal, accidents happen, and it’s completely human to want a little comfort when you’re embarrassed or upset. you weren’t asking for anything big, just some understanding. the way she brushed it off and made it seem like a flaw that you needed reassurance was hurtful. shutting down after feeling dismissed makes sense. you’re not crazy or needy for wanting kindness from your partner.
Info: why couldn’t you just put on another pair of underwear and pants, and leave your other things to soak? Why did you need to wash AND dry them?
It was one night so I didn’t bring a spare jeans as I was just going to wear these jeans tomorrow but I did bring clean underwear and pj pants which is what I wore while they were drying but it was more so I wanted to be reassured that I shouldn’t feel ashamed for bleeding
Thanks! Makes sense! NTA, because what else were you supposed to do? But maybe in future trips bring along an extra pair of underwear ( 1+ the number of days), and some leggings.
This is wild. First thing, always wear protection for at least 24 hours when you are ending your period. As for your gf’s attitude, is she one to usually give comfort?
Oh for sure but my medicine is messing with my period so I hadn’t bled for 24 hours until now and she can be to others but it is something she struggling with a lot and empathy as well
Protip: don’t date sociopaths
Don’t you have clean pants packed in your bag? I don’t get why you are waiting for them to dry if you are in your hotel room with your stuff. But your gf isn’t being very nice to you, is this the way she normally treats you?
NTA. She could’ve been nicer, and saying “you’re just looking to mope” is not a great thing to say especially when you’re not. Maybe try talking it through if things don’t settle by themselves in the next hours or so.
NTA I hope this isn’t how she usually treats you… making something sucky that happened to you about her and her feelings and starting a fight over it is not ok.
ESH.
your girlfriend sounds like she doesn’t like you very much tbh, and she doesn’t sound very nice.
However, if you’re in a city big enough to have a museum of anything, it’s big enough that you can go buy a new pair of pants. Washing in the sink isn’t going to get the job done anyway, but more importantly, if you go buy a new pair of pants, you’d be able to move on with life.
In your edit, you say you were upset because you felt like she wasn’t reassuring you that it was ok… you’re a grown woman, you had a period, you shouldn’t need reassurance, it’s just part of life.
yall are doing this all the hardest way possible .
Time to get a new partner.
YTA
why didn’t you change into clean underwear?? Even if it’s overnight, you still pack at least one pair of underwear. Also, always carry a pad in your purse just in case. Your ill preparedness is your fault.
Also, not liking a change to a schedule doesn’t mean undiagnosed autism.