Hi all.
First, I’d like to thank you all for your comments on my [last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/DsGE7HHSSp). They were incredibly helpful and helped me feel much less alone/insane.
A few people suggested that, although waiting to find out the sex of our baby is a wonderful idea, knowing might be more helpful at this point because it might help my husband feel like the baby is "real," if that makes sense. Those comments stuck with me, and that’s ultimately what ended up happening.
I’m thrilled to report back that 1) we’ll be welcoming a son into our lives and home, and 2) that, shortly after we learned the sex, my husband turned to me and said, "hey…we can’t name him \[insert FIL’s name\]."
We’ve had a few really great talks since then. I know it’s a thing right now for women to come online, complain about their husbands, and then be like "no! he’s great, I swear!" when people rightfully drag them. But I can’t stress enough how much of a departure the stubbornness was from his norm.
In the last few weeks, we’ve talked about the mix of joy and intense sadness he’s felt since I got pregnant. How his role model for fatherhood is gone, and how distressed he is that his dad will never meet our kids. He felt like, by giving our baby his dad’s name, he’d maybe make the distance between life and death a little shorter. He’s about to start grief counseling to help manage those complicated feelings ahead of the birth.
We do have a few names in mind from the baby list we built before we even conceived. We’ve been trying out different combos, trying to see what the baby reacts to when we address him. The top contender shares the initial of my FIL’s first name, with my grandmother’s maiden name as a middle name. Baby boy seems to be a big fan of that one so far. And my MIL is thrilled that her grandbaby won’t get stuck with her ex-husband’s much loathed name, lol.
Thank you all again for your kind words and affirmations. You weren’t only a sounding board, but you gave me really great advice, and my marriage is stronger today for it. I can’t thank you all enough.
That’s terrific best of luck!
It’s nice to read a happy ending, congratulations on your baby boy!
Fantastic outcome! Even better that he was able to reflect on this by himself. It’s a hard journey with grief and joy and parenthood so intertwined. He’s doing his best and you have supported that. Good work.
I just want to know FIL’s name
Maybe FIL had a nickname for your husband that can be handed down to your son. Like sport or champ. Or maybe there are some traditions or activities that they did that hubs can look forward to doing with the baby.
Good luck and congratulations on your soon to be new addition.