So for context, I’m 19 years old and still live with my parents. I finished school last year in May and planned to work for a while. I work with my dad in construction.
For New Year’s, I went to Universal Studios with my brother and his girlfriend. It honestly wasn’t great (this is important), and it rained the entire day. When we got back, my brother got sick. I felt fine at first, and my dad was kind enough to let me rest. The next day, I also got sick. My dad let me rest again because that week he was doing heavy construction work involving fiberglass removal and a lot of demolition.
This was on Thursday, and today is Saturday. During the week, I had a fever, a sore throat, and a very stuffy nose (which I still have). By Friday, I started feeling a bit better, but I was still sick. My dad knew all of this.
A long time ago, my dad and I made a promise: if he wanted me to work whether I was sick or he just needed help he would let me know at least 24 hours in advance. That was the promise, no matter what.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day cleaning the kitchen and my room. There’s also a rule in the house that if I do my chores, I’m allowed to play video games. I did everything I was told. During dinner, I asked my dad if he needed any help at work, and he said (word for word), “I’m fine, but thanks for asking. We’re just doing more demolition tomorrow, and next week you’ll go back to work with me.” He declined my help and told me I’d be working next week.
After dinner, I asked permission to play video games, and he said it was fine. I also asked again if everything was good for tomorrow, and he told me, “It’s okay, all good.” He later told me he was going to sleep and reminded me to leave the controllers at a certain time, which I did. After that, I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I have insomnia, but I eventually fell asleep.
This morning, my dad woke me up and told me to get ready to go to work with him. I told him I was still tired, still sick, and that I didn’t want to go because he didn’t tell me ahead of time like he promised. I also reminded him that I had offered my help the day before. He then started yelling at me, saying I should go to work and claiming he never promised that at all. Also saying I never told him anything.
After more yelling, he told me I had five minutes to wake up and start doing chores, or I’d be forced to go to work with him no questions asked. I woke up crying (yes, I’m very emotional) and started cleaning the kitchen. While I was doing that, my dad started taking pictures and getting angry, without even wishing me a good morning. I told my mom what happened, but she took my dad’s side and said he told me yesterday, even though he didn’t.
So, AITA for not going to work today when I was sick and wasn’t promised 24 hours’ notice?
This is weird why are you 19 asking permission to play games
Get a real job and your own apartment
Because if there wasn’t for dad’s job, he’d be unemployed 19yo without any skills and no DL. We don’t know, maybe he used to spend too much time playing games. It’s his parents’ house and their rules. He doesn’t say anything about paying rent, utilities or his share for food. That be different then.
No driving licence doesn’t stop anyone from getting a job. I spent 2 years riding a bike until I saved for a car. Summer or winter, rain poor or snow/ice. Is it possible you’re aiming too high with jobs?
It sounds like your dad has anger problems, is gaslighting you and that you should move out.
From what you said you are definitely not the asshole, but I have a slight feeling there is some important context or information that is missing.
Is this normal behavior for your dad? Does he have a bad temper and is prone to lying and gaslighting?
You’re working construction and are crying over this? You are going to get eaten alive.
NTA, but not being an AH is not going to change things with your parents. It’s time to stop relying on your parents so much. Get your license, learn the bus route and/or get an uber account. Your dad’s going to keep holding you back as long as you let him. You need to get a real job that has scheduled hours that you can get to/from without your parents.
Thank you that is the best advice so far and I will definitely do that. Also the only problem is that I can’t get an uber account but I can do the rest you told me and I can’t get my license.
Why can’t you not get an Uber account? You know you’re an adult, right?
Ah gottya, that does make things tough, but my brother is in that situation with not being able to get a license as well! SO he started with a job he could both get to from the bus and walk to in an absolute emergency. Also, try looking up if they have cab services in your area! That’s probably more of an option for once you are making your own paychecks, but that will allow you to schedule your rides in advance.
Thank you I appreciate this advice and taxi we don’t have that really here that often but that is a try I’ll take and thank you for all this taking notes and have a wonderful day
You are all very dysfunctional. ESH.
NTA
While your symptoms don’t really need you to stay home who really cares, you’re sick, so you stayed home. But why at 19 does your dad control when you get to play video games? While you probably should have gone to work your dad is just being very unreasonable.
Your side of the story is very cut and dried – of course you’re N T A. That’s what makes me feel like this is a miscommunication between the two of you. It very much seems like you both thought your intentions were clear, but they were not.
I’d talk to your dad to figure out why that miscommunication happened. Your mom backed your dad – ask her why and what she remembers hearing as far as communication between the two of you.
NTA. But your dad is. Sounds like either the flu covid, so you need to stay away from all people for at least a week and rest. Especially if it’s Covid since physical activity can trigger long covid and you don’t want that. Either way, you need to rest and recover. Also,you are an adult and asking permission to play a video game? Why do you need permission? Because you shouldn’t. Do you want to do construction as a career? Or something else? If something else, then go sign up for college classes. Or if you do, since you now have experience, go get a job with a company not affiliated with your family and move out and get your own place.