First time Reddit poster, so sorry if this doesn’t make sense.
For context, I (24F) am attending grad school in a state across the country from where I grew up/family lives. About a year into my program (May 2024), I moved in with two of my classmates (I’ll call them Sara and Kathy, both 24F) that I’ve gotten really close with. Throughout our friendship, there have been several moments of feeling like a thirdwheel, or like they’re constantly on the same page about little things or decide things without telling me (ie unplugging appliances in the kitchen when not in use when I’ve never done that growing up and they would get upset if I forgot).
About 8 months after moving in together (Jan 2025), we went on a 6-month fieldwork for our program (basically an unpaid internship). During this time, I would not be returning to school at all until fieldwork was complete. I knew I would complete my fieldwork back home from the beginning of the program, and my roommates have known this since before we moved in together. A few months before leaving for fieldwork (July 2024), I discussed with another classmate in our friend group (I’ll call her Kate, 24F) about her renting out my room for those 6 months that I’m back home.
During this time, I got into a fight with Sara, and felt really guilty about the situation because I knew I was in the wrong, but I have a hard time with confrontation and difficult conversations (dont worry, I’m in therapy lol). It was during this time of me feeling incredibly guilty and profusely apologizing for this other disagreement that Sara and Kathy decided to tell me that they weren’t comfortable with Kate renting my room and that it felt like I was "just getting out of paying rent". Because I felt guilty about this other fight, I didn’t argue with them and informed Kate that she would not be able to take my room. I ended up having to pay rent for the entire 6 months that I was completing fieldwork and unable to work or have any income.
This was last year, and everyone else I have talked to about this situation has said that it’s really fucked up for them to expect me to pay rent for a place I was not living, especially when a mutual friend (who Sara and Kathy both really like) was willing to stay in my room and cover my portion of the rent.
This is my first experience living with roommates, and I’m not sure if it was fair of them to ask that of me. Everyone else I talked to said that it was common to have someone rent a room temporarily, and while I was gone, Sara’s boyfriend ended up moving in (they share Sara’s room and he does pay an equal portion of the rent).
So, AITA for not wanting to pay rent for a room I wasn’t living in for 6 months?
Edit: Some common questions in the comments: Yes, subletting is allowed with written permission from the landlord per my lease. I didn’t try to find anyone other than Kate to sublet because my roommates made it clear the issue wasn’t with her, but with the idea of me subletting my room in general. Obviously, I’m aware that I signed a lease and its my responsibility to pay rent, but everyone I talked to about this said that it was unfair of them to not be okay with me subletting my room and out of principle of not letting me "get out of paying rent."
Luckily, they didn’t expect me to pay utilities while I was gone.
INFO: did you ask your housemates if they were OK with Kate moving in temporarily? Or did you go ahead and invite her to sublet your room without any discussion from with who would have to live with her in your absence? Was their objection about you subletting, period, or with the person you picked to sublet?
If you signed the lease, you pay
Did you even check with them before offering to sublet? You signed onto the lease and agreed to pay rent for the full term. If they’re not okay with you subletting that’s entirely reasonable
ESH – If their sole reason for refusing to let her sublet (legality of subletting aside) was due to you “just getting out of paying rent” then that’s an petty move and not really based on anything substantial. Entirely reasonable to try and sublet. But also like fuck dudette you signed a lease? Of course you have to pay. Your 6 month break does not mean an obligation on anyone else’s part.