i’m 17 and a senior. my (ex) best friend is 2–3 years younger and we were close for about 3 years. early on she was very self-centered and only cared when she needed something. we ate lunch every day in my mom’s room (she works at our school) and i took her to homecoming and prom. we even took my grad pics together.
then she started dating a new guy and got distant. she said she was doing it to everyone so i let it go. i still drove her to school and we still ate together. over thanksgiving break i asked to hang out and she brushed me off. when i finally asked why she was distant she sent huge paragraphs calling me passive aggressive and manipulative. i apologized and asked for examples because i didn’t know what she meant.
she listed 3 things. one was from 2 years ago and i apologized again, even though i didn’t get why she never said anything sooner. another was me being upset she didn’t want to go to my senior homecoming with me and wanted to go with her boyfriend. i admitted i overreacted a bit but my feelings made sense considering our history. i don’t think she tried to understand my side. i apologized multiple times and asked what we were now. she said she didn’t know.
the next day she snapped me and sent a tiktok. i didn’t respond because i was still hurting. when we got back to school she randomly showed up to my online class and acted normal, even tried talking crap about a mutual friend. then at lunch she texted “hey im in your moms room if you wanna come eat.” i was shocked. she acted like nothing happened and went into MY safe space.
i left my meeting early and confronted her. i said “i love you but you can’t do this. you can’t come into my moms room the day after saying those things and pretend nothing happened. i apologized for what i did but this is unfair.” she said “i don’t know what to do, i don’t have friends, i have nowhere to go.” i said i understood but she couldn’t treat me like that. she left crying and said she needed space.
later i texted that we should take space and be civil. she said she felt attacked and this was why she didn’t bring things up. i said i apologized and took accountability and wished she could too. she just said “alr” and unadded me.
afterwards i found out she’d been talking shit about me for years. she called me a bad friend 2 days before prom, lost all her other friends, is dating her ex-best friend’s ex, lied about it, and called me a manipulative bitch to a mutual friend. when i asked her to stop talking about me she ignored me and removed me on everything. she also told people she refuses to let her boyfriend break up with her.
ever since we stopped being friends i’ve been happier. i still get anxious about it but i feel lighter and i’m not worried about her moods or if she’ll be mean.
so… am i the asshole for confronting my best friend?
not in the wrong at all. she showed you her true colors which saved you the heartache that would have come eventually. if a “friend” ever leaves you for a man she is probably desperate for some sort of attention that she thinks she found in him and will only come crawling back when he isn’t available because she doesn’t know how to deal with loneliness or sitting with emotions. i think you dogged a bullet!
Sometimes truth needs to be said to people. Ignore her, she is not a good friend and not someone you want or need in your life. You do not need people who treat you poorly around you because you deserve better. She will find out about the poor choices she made when she needs friends for support.
NTA! this reminds me of MY exbsf. that is a narcisicst. i’m sorry she hurt you, and gaslit you. i’m so proud of you for standong up for yourself.