This happened several months ago. i, (15f) was at a stay away camp with my (ex)friends Gwen and Weeb (not their real names, they were 14F and 12f. for context, i am the reason my (ex) bsf Debbie (14f) are even friends at all. Gwen and Debbie like each other and take each other’s sides.
for context, our friend group was already falling apart. they didn’t really want to be friends, and Debbie kept icing me out of conversations. especially when her stepsister, who i’ll call Kandi (she made cool kandi) came to visit from California. we live in the south. Debbie acted like i didn’t exist whenever she came/ ignored me. kandi is sweet enough, just kinda shy.
At camp, i cried. bawling my eyes out, telling Gwen and Weeb that i was jealous of Kandi and i hated how Debbie ignored me whenever she came to visit. at the time, and still as of now, Kandi is not Debbie’s step-sister, though her dad and Debbie’s mom are engaged. They promised not to tell her, but went behind my back and told her that i just "hated her" with no context.
Within a week, Debbie had turned against me and my friends, writing me a horrible email and ghosting me with this incident being one of her primary reasons along with me not liking sonic the hedgehog, then acting like we never knew each other at youth group. we were best friends for two years, going on three. she dumped me a week before my birthday.
edit: something i forgot to mention is i did in fact, say that she was making me feel unloved ad isolated to her face, many times. every time, she would tell me she was sorry and would do better next time. she even told me to not hold my feelings in, so i didn’t and then she dumped me. thank you for your comment. kandi wasnt even mean or anything, we never spoke. i have huge anxiety issues and get jealous easily.
i just have to know, am I the asshole?
Sweetheart, you’re not an asshole, you’re just a teenager. These years are full of the turmoil of learning who you can trust and navigating friendship, jealousy, and loyalty. I’m sorry you opened up to people who abused your trust.
There will be other friendships and other jealousies. Best thing I can tell you is to bring your hurt feelings directly to your bestie near time, and try to give yourself some grace while you’re living the years of feeling everything excruciatingly fully.
I told her how i was feeling many times. every time it was met with “i’m sorry i’ll do better”. in her email, she wrote “its not my responisbility to include you”
Thank you for being so sweet!
NEVER NEVER NEVER say things to others about someone that you would not say to their face. If you can’t, then keep it to yourself. NO ONE is under any obligation to keep your feelings about others to themselves. Regardless of your friendship. Because if you say something extremely harmful about another, you put your listener in a moral dilemma. Don’t do that.
Also, high school friends come and go, you don’t really solidify relationships with the women in your life until about your 20’s, on average. That doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t have lifelong friends from school. Just that these friendships can evolve and change over time and that’s ok.
That said, if you had issues with Kandi personally, you should have told Kandi herself, so nothing would have been taken out of context, but…even then Kandi could have done that herself too. If Debbie isn’t a true friend, you should not care that she’s being mean, honor yourself and just write her off. If Weeb and Gwen are “better friends” to Debbie, you need to find yourself a new friend group. Mean girls suck. Don’t be one. Keep it pushing. Find better friends, and find confidence in yourself without needing validation from others. Don’t talk behind people’s backs. Say it their face or keep it moving. Don’t hold bad feelings in, therapy is super helpful for that.
I don’t want to say YTA, because you’re still a kid. Kids make mistakes, that’s how we learn better behavior, and become better adults. Hang in there kiddo. Don’t sweat the crappy ones. Focus on the good ones and do better.
something i forgot to mention is i did in fact, say that she was making me feel unloved ad isolated to her face, many times. every time, she would tell me she was sorry and would do better next time. she even told me to not hold my feelings in, so i didn’t and then she dumped me. thank you for your comment!