I’m in a polyamourous relationship with 2 others (Id rather not say their names and ages, so I’ll refer to them as L and D for now).
For context, I’m a bad communicator for many reasons, but in this situation, it’s because they don’t take me seriously when I do open up about how I feel.
D and I have been dating for quite some time now, and then we roped L into it. Ever since L joined, though, I’ve just felt unloved and unimportant. When they make plans, I’m either left out or not told until the last minute, they only hang out with me when the other isn’t around, ETC.
I made a group chat with the three of us just a few days ago, and since then, it’s just been the two of them keeping it active. They kept saying "I think [my name] is dead so we should just hang out". Jokingly, I texted the group chat "I think you two should shut up", as that’s something we do. L ended up getting frustrated and says that me and D could just do something without her because she wasn’t in the mood to hang out anymore. So I went on about my day, only to find out just a few hours later that L and D were at the mall together. (Which is crazy? I thought she wasn’t in the mood to hang out? 🤨)
Anyways, I did something interesting yesterday, and I decided to send them pictures. I hardly ever take pictures of anything, let alone myself, and I especially don’t send them to anyone if I do. Once the pictures sent, they decided to make it all about them. D is absurdly chronically online and sent a message somewhere along the lines of "That’s so labubu Dubai chocolate clock it" etc etc. I don’t even care to repeat it. Anyway, L decided to bring up even more about their trip from the mall, like how they had expensive ass Dubai chocolate.
Later, when I was done with what I was doing and I checked my phone, I told them that was why I never told them anything. Which is true, because whenever I do, they always make it about them. The two of them were confused (obviously), and instead of asking for clarification, the two of them just sent these stupid, unfunny images of this YouTuber that they’re obsessed with. So, as one does, I asked if they genuinely found it funny. We had a similar situation before, and I asked them to keep the pictures between themselves because I don’t want to see them. Simple, right? It’s not like I’m asking them to carry the earth on their back, run full force around the sun, and make it back alive.
Anyway, they started getting defensive about it, and they’ve been upset with me since. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Im honestly just considering breaking up with them, which is what I’ve been thinking for months.
ESH you should have ended this months ago when you started questioning whether you were really happy.
I won’t pass judgement but I do feel like polyamory and being a “bad communicator” is just a recipe for disaster
You’re all 12-year-olds, clearly.
ESH everyone is being immature. Relationships are complicated, Polly relationships even more so. It’s never going to work out when people play childish games.
Yeah Imma go with YTA. One of the main factors in a poly relationship is communication skills, you know you have shitty ones and chose to start a poly relationship and than wanna be mad at the others for having fun? Maybe you’re not invited because you don’t enjoy what they enjoy and you rip the fun outta everything, you aren’t made for poly relationships babe. Break up with them, don’t drag it out that’s unfair on them
You can’t successfully be poly and a bad communicator at the same time. You have to get better at communicating before you can commit to multiple relationships. It seems like you might be a bit of a downer which could be why they spend more time together than with you, and honestly I dont blame them. Mayen you should leave the relationships and go to therapy instead. Work on yourself before you think about any more relationships
I’m in a long term poly relationship. It works because we communicate well and genuinely like and respect each other. None of those things are true here
ESH, and you all should consider staying single until you get through enough therapy to figure out how not to act like toddlers.
NTA… poly life is not for kids. Maybe finish highschool before you get into a relationship let alone a multi person one.
ESH
Communication is key. You need to have a conversation using words, not images, not guesses, not tests, nothing but words face to face.
You seem to be saying you are not happy in this relationship. If you’re not and you feel it’s not for you, then you have choices. Try to fix it with all of you or leave and find another path. Neither of those is easy, so I can see exactly why you’d coast along with something that isn’t giving you joy. Long term though, you need to have that conversation I think.