My nephew spent the majority of the day with my husband, toddler and I. My daughter loves being around him and honestly, he can be a big help sometimes in keeping her occupied and entertained. Other times his presence combined with the demands of a toddler can be overstimulating. For context, he is on prescribed ADHD medication and has other layered issues that are trauma-informed/related. When we come back from Costco, everything is fine for about an hour and the kids are playing while my husband washes dishes. Granted my nephew is getting close to his medication time so he’s becoming a lot and I’m having to speak to him more than once. When my husband is done, he tells him he has to go home. My nephew says he didn’t get to eat the dinner I was going to make. Then I say my brother isn’t even home. He says well did he say anything about getting him food? I said no. Unrelated to my no I said there isn’t much chicken anyways. He goes yeah I know I need my lunch for tomorrow. He’s not our responsibility. At this moment, I’m enraged. Not only is he my nephew he is both of our godson. How dare he comment on a child eating because he feels entitled to food that I planned, I paid for and I cooked. I called him a disgusting human. time goes on and I serve every everyone their food. I know that it isn’t gonna be enough so I prepare him a separate lunch for him to take to work. While I’m taking the sweet potato out of the oven, I tell him I would put half of it in his lunch. Before taking it out of the oven, he went over and thought that it was burning. So I went and checked it and I said no it’s fine and then took it out. When I made a comment about putting in half for his lunch, he said I thought that was for me. I said you don’t need the whole thing. He says well do you want some? I said forget it, you can have both. He goes that was supposed to be for me anyway, you weren’t even paying attention to it. Again, I’m enraged. I prepared not only dinner for all of us and a separate lunch and you have the audacity to be en entitled asshole about food again. At this point we’re both pissed off and I really don’t care what comments I made while I was mad because it’s a repeated behavior that is so gluttonous and selfish. I actually can’t believe it.
NTA
Your husband needs to take a huge step back and apologize. WOW.
ESH
Your husband is a real AH in all of this. His behavior is inexcuasable.
…BUT
Being angry does not entitle you to acting like an AH. Calling someone a disgusting human being will never make things better.
Even when you’re angry, how you get angry matters. The way you got angry? It made you an AH as well.
You two have serious issues to work through.
Get marriage counseling.
NTA. I would tell him that, going forward, he will make his own lunch. He’s a big boy. And if he doesn’t think there’s enough for the children in your home, then he can make his own dinner as well and you’ll make the meal for you and the kids.
NTA, I have to say that your husband certainly came across like a total A on that one. Is he normally so selfish about food?
Your marriage is cooked. NTA
Anyone who would rather send home a hungry kid so he can have the extra leftover is a disgusting human. If I were OP’s brother, and heard my kids uncle say that, my kid would never be over again. Ridiculous.
NTA your husband could just make his own lunch
Look, this isn’t about food; it’s about respect. If he can’t understand the dynamics of family and entitlement, that’s a serious problem. Communication is key. Apologizing for name-calling is necessary too, but don’t let anyone undermine your boundaries or dismiss your feelings. You need to both address what’s really going on here.
I understand why you snapped, food insecurity, kids, overstimulation, and feeling like your labor is being treated as disposable will push anyone over the edge. That part makes sense.
But calling your husband a ‘disgusting human’ isn’t actually addressing the real issue here, which is a pattern of entitlement and lack of awareness, especially around food and care work. The problem isn’t one sweet potato or one comment, it’s that you’re constantly planning, buying, cooking, stretching food, and still being made to feel like you’re taking something from him.
You’re right to be angry. You’re wrong to pretend the delivery doesn’t matter just because the behavior is repeated. If this keeps happening, it needs to be addressed outside of the heat of the moment, because otherwise you’re just cycling through rage instead of getting respect.
NTA your husband is being a child himself. I wonder if he even knows how hard it is to keep a child entertained day in and day out while managing a house hold. And it’s only going to get worse!! When she’s 4, he’s going to be BEGGING the nephew to come around and play. So he better keep in his good books.
Aside from that, I agree with ” disgusting” as a description. All children will be safe, fed and cared for when they are in my home, don’t even care how they got in.
NTA it’s very clear he doesn’t respect the work you are putting in to providing everyone food and he’s weird for saying that a child he’s looking after at the moment “isn’t his responsibility” especially as a godparent
Did your husband say anything of that in front of your nephew? Your husband is behaving so selfishly. Thats not great behavior at all.
That’s what I’m wondering too? Did the child hear this, and is he old enough to understand that his uncle didn’t care that he was hungry?
NTA but you have bigger issues than this. Why is your husband behaving like a greedy child?