For a little background info I’m a foster kid and in every foster they have different rules most have similar rules for older teenage boys like yk don’t come in late things of that sort so when I got placed in this foster home I was shocked when I had to give in my phone and be in bed by 9:00 but they have a really good program in the district so I decided it was worth leaving for I’ve been here like a month at this point and was really getting to know them more but on night she had her nephews over and on weekends we can stay up until 10:00 when it was time to go to bed I turned my phone in and saw that her nephews were in her room playing the game I got a little frustrated because I thought it was unfair she asked what was wrong but I said nothing and decided to sleep it off until I seen that another kid was still out playing on his phone I got mad but decided to wait 30 minutes to see if they were going to make him turn his phone in after about a hour passes I ask them about it and they got really defensive about how it’s their home and their nephews can do what they want so I said some along the lines of if your going to treat us differently then you shouldn’t foster and we got into this big argument and they went to their room so I said if they at the least give me another hour on my phone I would let it go but they remained strict so I turned on the living room tv and turned it up loud enough that it was annoying for everyone until they folded aita
NTA some people don’t deserve kids, foster or not. I hope your situation improves soon. I understand they need to set up rules especially if a kid may have some difficult background and behavior but this is not it. If they are treating you differently then that’s not good or healthy.
NTA
But this doesn’t smell right. I can’t imagine adults who went through the process to be a foster family don’t understand the value of one family, one set of rules.
Are you serious? It’s kind of hard not to read the last part as sarcasm. Tons of foster families are abusive, it’s a very real problem
Oh its very much how op described it. This is extremely common in fostor homes.
The foster system (including the families) is super abusive…
ESH
They were wrong to treat you differently without giving you a reasonable explanation when you asked for it.
But, blaring the TV probably wasn’t the most productive way to handle it. even though you were justified in being frustrated.
Is the foster home otherwise ok? Choose your battles. Already your life is unfair.
NTA. Though maybe give it another try to talk to them about it and ask them to help you understand the rule and why it applies to you and not the nephews. It could be they would prefer the same rule for the nephews but have choice to keep things smooth with the family/parents of the nephews.
Foster homes can be tough mate. No easy answer. Obviously you would naturally want to make sure you get treated fairly, but provoking them wont help.
Holy run on batman. ESH, think you are playing with fire here kid.
I completely understand why you’re upset about not being treated the same. It’s normal to feel that way. However, I would tread lightly on making issues. I was in and out of a lot of foster homes and group homes and can promise you group homes are much worse. Is the place you’re staying good otherwise? If so, id eat it and move on. There’s a good chance you will be moved somewhere far less desirable if you purposefully make issues. I wish you the best, I know this time in your life is hard. You will grow up and life will open up for you someday. Try to look at this situation on the brightside if you can. Ask to have a sit down conversation with your foster parents about your feelings and maybe they will hear you out or give you some understanding on their reasoning. Goodluck
That sounds infuriating – but just for an alternative perspective.
My sister is kinda weird & (in my opinion) high strung. She’s always had slightly strange expectations for how she thinks we should interact with her kids. And honestly I just accepted most of it to avoid conflict – only fought her on the stuff I decided was important.
My choices were: let her feel like she wins most of the time AND THEN I get to spend time with her kids. Or: fight her on everything where I didn’t agree with her, BUT THEN I would lose contact with her kids – which would have been a loss for both them and me.
Someone’s life gives you a shitty option, and a slightly-less-shitty option, and you just need to pick one.
I’m sorry that your foster parents actions left you feeling so unfairly treated.
Maybe tomorrow you might be willing to apologise for over-reacting about this – mostly to get the relationship back to normal. You can say “(1) sorry for how I behaved, (2) I know I shouldn’t have done that, (3) I guess I was feeling frustrated because all the kids my age at school get their phones until 11pm, so ***even though it makes me REALLY CONSCIOUS that I’m a foster kid, because all the non-foster-kids don’t have strict rules like this*** I’ve accepted you have a much stricter rule which I need to accept to live here. (4) So I just got frustrated really quickly, but I know it’s not how I should have handled it.
If they’re basically decent people, but fairly new to fostering & a bit unrealistic & idealistic at the moment, then mentioning how their weird phone burgers reinforces your Foster Kid identity should help then be open to change.