Recently I was timed out for a week on a Discord server by a friend after I backed out of watching a movie last minute. Basically, I forgot I already had plans to game with her brother-in-law that night.
The exact message I sent was:
“Ok I might have to scratch that cause I’ll be playing arc raiders with M lol.”
I didn’t say “sorry” in that message.
She considered this offensive. I later apologized to her in DMs, and she replied with this message:
“next time if you don’t want to keep the plans you have you apologize first bcs it’s mannerisms. for example ‘sorry, i dont think i will be watching wicked with you guys, im going to play arc raiders with marcus maybe another time’ you just need to learn manners dude, it’s not abt the situation it’s abt the principle and then asking someone else to apologize for you instead of going to the source is insane, always go to the person first if you want to apologize, if you’re unable to contact them that situation is understandable. btw dw im not mad at u. ur just banned from the server for a week. think abt what you could have done better and the lol at the end of ur sentence to try to mask and make the comment abt u playing w Marcus did not work it was actually quite the opposite but thank you for apologizing !”
I understand that I should’ve said sorry and that my wording could’ve been better. However, after I got timed out, she and another friend were saying things like “LOL” and “LMAO” about it in a public channel while I couldn’t respond.
Another thing is that I didn’t reply to her DM right away because I didn’t know what to say. She then messaged:
“I defo saw u typing that means u read it. Respond back to me.”
I replied:
“Yes I read it. Thank you for explaining. I just don’t really know what to say as of now.”
She responded with “Okie.”
I accept that I made a mistake by not saying sorry, but the week-long timeout, public jokes, lecture, and pressure to respond felt excessive and a bit controlling to me for a small slip-up.
AITA for feeling like this was too much?
ESH no one is communicating well and everyone sounds immature.
I mean the person is right… if you cancel on someone at least say sorry
It is basic manners… especially if you back out last min
ESH
Frankly, all of you sound rather immature.
Ditching on plans does rate and apology, not a laugh in their face.
That said, their response was also over the top for the situation.
ESH. Say sorry if you mess up plans. She is making a too big deal of it. You are all children. Grow up both of you.
The way you worded your first message sounded like you got a better offer after making plans with your friend. All you had to do was say, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it because I forgot about a prior commitment.” She probably would have felt less angry. YTA
Yeah you should’ve said something to the effect of “mb, I forgot i had plans”. 100%.
But your friend is a weirdo control freak. Who bans their friend from a chat and tells them to “think about what you could have done better” for a week. That’s psycho behavior.
As others have suggested, while your flaking was lame and the “lol” at the end was even lamer, your friend took it to a place it really didn’t need to go. They sound like an asshole, tbh.
Agreed. I’d probably leave that discord group once my ban was over. Does she not realize the way that she handled it also lacks manners “instead of communicating with you about my hurt feelings I’m going to punish you like I’m your mother by banning you from interacting with us for a week”. That’s not friends I would want honestly. I think you should teach her manners by ignoring her for another 2 weeks 😂
YTA. You STILL haven’t told her that your sorry. You don’t know what to say???? She spelled out for you that she wants you to say ‘Sorry’. Dude. You essentially went ‘hahah, I forgot about you, so I’m ditching you because my other plans were better – isn’t that funny?’. You were super rude, and you still haven’t apologized to her.
ESH. Backing out of plans last minute can be annoying. However, her response is ridiculous and blows this whole thing out of proportion. Your message was fine. Don’t let these people bully you or try to act all high and mighty.
I’m sorry if a friend is going to punish me they are no longer considered my friend. I am an adult that is something a parent does to their child not something done amongst friends. Friends have conversations and explain how they feel
ESH
I totally agree with what your friend said.
But giving you a week long timeout for a bad wording? They are your friends, not your parent to punish you for bad mannerism, specially if it’s not even serious. That’s some weird power abuse.
Your friend, that wants to be so mature, should be capable to talk with you about something that bothers them, without literally time outing you out of a friend group. Specially if it’s nothing serious.
And making fun of you while they power abuses? Ask them what kind of ‘good mannerism’ is that supposed to be?
ESH. You started it by not being CLEAR that you had forgotten you had already made plans and wouldn’t be able to join- I’m sorry but I forgot about plans I made earlier and I’m going to honor the first commitment I made.
The crappy grammar and made up words is what cemented E S H…. She’s acting like a parent, and then making up words to sound intelligent.
You all suck at communication and basic English. You all suck at prioritizing and knowing your place.
both of you sound completely immature and childish, im sorry