I (M36) planned a vacation with my wife (W35) and our two kids, ages 2 and 4. The vacation was meant to be a much-needed break for just the four of us. However, today my wife suddenly realized that the 1st birthday of her sister’s son falls right in the middle of our trip. She now insists on canceling the vacation to attend the party.
I’m confused because our kids, especially our daughter (who is highly sensitive), really love these family vacations and enjoy the time we spend alone as a family. I don’t see why we need to cancel the whole vacation just for a birthday, especially when we could visit them just two days after the birthday.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to cancel the vacation for this?
NTA, a first birthday is for the kids’ parents, not the baby. Have they communicated wanting to have a party? And is said party even on the day itself?
Even if that’s the case, you already planned the trip, I would ask to have a short videocall on the day of, and if you’d be welcome to visit a few days later.
NTA in the slightest & I will be downvoted like hell for that.
If you did cancel the holiday I wonder how your wife would explain that to your kids or would she expect OP to do it?
This. Sorry my children. Your cousin is more important or your aunt my sister is more important. The baby will not remember this event but your children will remember the choice made.
NTA – The kid is turning 1, he’s not going to realise/remember that some family didn’t turn up. Your 2yo and 4yo will. It’s disappointing for sure that you guys have to miss the party, but you’ll know for next time to check the family calendar etc.
If your wife wants to skip family time to go to a baby birthday party, a baby you doesn’t care at all, then fine. But find someone else to go instead of her and enjoy a special moment with your kid. NTA
NTA You can’t prioritize someone else’s kids over your own kids, that’s insane. If she had thought of this during the planning stages of your trip and you were able to plan around it, then sure why not. But if your kids are already excited for your vacation it would be cruel to take it away from them. If your wife really wants to go to nephews birthday she can leave your trip early, which would still be weird but whatever.
NTA – we don’t even do that for family that is of an age that they realize we are not there for their birthday. Let alone a baby of 1 year old.
I cannot speak for your situation of course but for us, planning a vacation within the restraints of the work my wife and myself, and school of the kids, and some other stuff (like sports), is difficult enough on itself. to also add in birthdays of extended family members would make it downright impossible.
That’s insane. You have planned a vacation. Missing a nephew’s birthday party is no big deal. The kid certainly doesn’t care.
NTA
Your wife has her priorities askew.
A first birthday is sweet but the baby won’t remember and, really it’s a few gifts and a bit of cake and, if the grownups are lucky, a glass of champagne.
Ye your wife that the clear message she is sending you HER children is that their cousin and aunt are more important than them.
Wife needs a reality check and fast.
The 1 year will not remember this event but your children will remember the choice made and where their mother’s priorities were.
Show her this and other comments.
NTA. The kid’s birthday shouldn’t have been a surprise. Parties for 1 year olds are for the parents anyway.
As a compromise, and depending where the trip is, can wife duck back mid trip for a day to attend the nephew’s birthday? It’s unfair to expect the whole family to change plans because of her poor planning.
NTA.
If you were planning it now it would probably be polite to try to avoid it but now that it’s booked you certainly shouldn’t cancel it. You can celebrate their birthday with them when you get back.
NTA. As being said, you shouldn’t prioritize making other people happy over your family.
1. If they would care for your well being, they would understand.
2. Bring something nice for the birthday kid and parents and call it a day.
NTA. That 1 year old isn’t going to even comprehend what is going on. Your own family comes first in this situation. Plus you guys can Facetime to join in to sing Happy Birthday if it’s THAT important.
NTA – first birthday is pointless. Kid has no clue. It’s all about the mum. Just be honest and open and explain the situation. Sometimes you have to look after your own people.