Yesterday I had a disagreement with my brother, and it’s been bothering me since.
In our apartment, a neighbor’s wife went on a 10-day vacation and left her 3-year-old son with her mother-in-law. The child was not alone or unsafe, he was with family. Still, her mother-in-law came to our house and started complaining to my mother about how selfish and irresponsible the woman is for leaving her child and going on a vacation.
My brother agreed with her and said that no mother should leave a child of that age and go anywhere, and that doing so is cruelty.
But I honestly couldn’t see it that way.
This woman is known to be very kind. Everyone in our apartment says this. Her relationship with her in-laws is bad, and her husband doesn’t support her much either. During her pregnancy, her husband quit a government job saying he wasn’t treated properly. Because of this, she had no option but to take up a job.
After delivery, she continued working, came home, cooked food, managed the house, and took care of the baby. Her mother-in-law hardly helped. I have personally seen how tired she looks. When she was newly married, she was very lively and cheerful. Now her face always looks dull and stressed.
Her husband also doesn’t help much with the child. If the baby is with someone else and something happens, he doesn’t step in, he just shifts the responsibility back to her. On top of that, her mother-in-law keeps coming to our house and backbiting about her.
So I told my brother what if she just needed a break? What if going away for 10 days was the only way she could breathe, relax a little, and come back mentally better?
But my brother strongly disagreed and said leaving a child at this age is always wrong and cruel, no matter what.
What I don’t understand is why only the mother is blamed. Why is the father not held equally responsible? No one blamed the husband for quitting his job when she was pregnant and they needed financial stability. But the woman is judged so harshly for wanting a few days to herself.
In Indian households, it feels like childcare automatically becomes the woman’s duty, and if she steps back even for a short time, she’s labeled selfish or heartless. Meanwhile, men are rarely questioned.
I am single and don’t have children, so maybe I’m missing something. But from what I’ve seen, I felt more sympathy for her than anger.
Was I wrong to think this way?
NTA, you’re correct. This woman has a terrible husband and an equally bad MIL. She should take the baby and run.
It sounds like the one who’s abandoning that child is the father. The mom is gone for a while and the kid isn’t with him, but with his mom?
NTA.
In any given situation, if women are blamed and men aren’t, it’s misogyny pure and simple.
NTA. hopefully she’s somewhere signing a lease and furnishing her and her child’s new home so she can escape the little hell they’re stuck in currently. if this is what her life has looked like for 3 years it seems unlikely she’s actually on vacation imo. especially for 10 days. i’m likely wrong but if i were her it’s what i would do.
NTA..
If the MIL has problems she should tell her DIL (your neighbor).. maybe she is dependent on her income so she will complain about her in front of neighbors..
About your brother.. seems he hasn’t done chores in his life.. please teach him if he doesn’t know and have him do few of these..
NTA, she shouldn’t be a single mother on all but paper if she has relatives to help.
NTA
Women stop being humans and to some people and turn into Mom when they give birth. Moms don’t get to be tired, stressed, angry, and have human needs. Dad’s meanwhile get praised for baby sitting their own damned kids? It’s fucked.
Also **3 years**? This isn’t a nursing baby this is a toddler. This kid will not remember as an adult that Mom left for a week. They’re not going to be scarred by this. Their dad is still right there.
NTA. Mothers deserve breaks too.
NTA. Even under the very best circumstances, taking care of small children is hard, constant work that rarely stops. And it sounds like her circumstances are far from the best, what with her in-laws criticizing her and her husband being… underwhelming in his support.
Parents deserve time off, same as everyone else, and it sounds like this particular one is very close to a burnout.
NTA. Hahahahaaaaa “cruelty” ?! Wtf. Somebody report me then, my son has school so he’s home with my husband while I’m off for a week.
NTA – even if she had an amazing family and lots of support at home, mothers still deserve to go on holiday without her child!
Info: where was the father during the vacation?
NTA, your Brother is though
NTA
You sympathised with this poor woman because you are a decent human being.