so this is kinda dumb but last weekend i went on a trip with my bf and his 3 friends to go snowboarding (not ideal ik i wasn’t too happy being the only girl either but to board ill do it) so in total there were 5 of us 4 guys and 1 girl (me sadly). We’re all about 25-26 y/o. We all decided to split an Airbnb and it came out to about $300 each. I am completely fine paying for my share of the airbnb and the gas and all of that.
However the first day we went out we met this random on the gondola and he happened to be a few years younger than us all and goes to the same college my bf and his friends went to. He asked us if he could ride w us bc he came up solo and is car camping the weekend. They all said it was fine so he ended up spending the whole day with us and which is fine idc we’re just boarding. then he comes to dinner with us after boarding which is also still fine i guess. then he offers to give one of the guys a ride to the airbnb while the rest of us take the shuttle. they give him the DOOR CODE to our airbnb??? which made me super uncomfortable bc hello we don’t know this guy like he might seem chill now but who knows what he can be capable of??? and then by the time we get there he is already inside and IN THE SHOWER??? like what??? like again who even is this guy? by the way throughout the whole day both my bf and I have been expressing our discomfort to having this random come to the airbnb and the other guys just keep saying “it’s chill, he’s chill” and ignoring us. and then we all are hanging out in the living room drinking watching movies and one of the guys and the random decide to go out to the bars. no one else is down so they leave and then come back at 2 in the morning and the random crashes on the couch. the next day he wakes up before anyone else and leaves really fast then meets us on the mountain again later.
After the trip they send me a venmo request for the airbnb but it is still the $300 amount, split between 5 ppl. I told them I’m not paying until they figure out how much that random owes for staying one night. Am I being crazy? I was uncomfortable the whole time bc of this random dude they invited and now they expect me to pay for his free stay? He chose to come up and car camp. Idc if it takes off $20 or if it takes off $5 from my total, I’m not paying for this random dude! My bf says it doesn’t matter that much bc we would have paid the same amount if he wasn’t there anyways, which makes sense and makes me wonder if I AM being dramatic about this and have a stick up my ass? But I still think it’s not fair that he gets a free stay at our airbnb. I told them I will pay for the first night split between 5 and the 2nd night split between 6. Am I being the asshole?
TO CLEAR THINGS UP THEY DID NOT KNOW THE GUY WE MET HIM ON THE GONDOLA AND HE JUST HAPPENED TO BE GOING TO THE SAME COLLEGE THEY ALREADY GRADUATED FROM.
EDIT\*\*\*\*\*
Hi Everyone! Thank you for the fast replies. I have read a lot and will keep reading. I have paid the full requested venmo amount and I understand that I was being an asshole using money to try and get my point across. It was never about the money but about the safety and i guess i was tryin to punish them by withholding the money because thats all i felt i had control over.
Please understand it is scary being the only girl in situations like this and even though it turned out safe this time, there are many instances where it could have been a bad situation. You cannot trust everyone and I wanted to be on vacation and be able to let my guard down on the fun trip I paid for. I wanted the safe space that i paid for.
Ehhh NTA but you’re probably better off just paying it and then never rooming with these people again. That was a seriously unsafe thing they did, definitely not something you want a repeat of. I think refusing to pay will muddy your argument with you stiffing them, rather than how wrong it was for them to let some stranger in like that
I don’t think you’re the asshole, but also, y’all too little too late. Assuming everyone is even on board to ask this guy to pay, what is your plan to get the money from him? He can just ignore your messages. After all, he’s a random dude you met.
I think you need to cut your losses this time, and also rethink traveling with this group in general.
ESH they were the AH for not listening to you and your boyfriend’s concern. YTA for thinking this in anyway means you’re entitled to a discount bc he crashed on the sofa one night 🙄
ESH
– they shouldn’t have invited this person without everyone being on board.
– him sleeping one night in the flat changed nothing. You still owed the $300.
You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It wasn’t a random person no one knew about. You’re the only person who didn’t know about him. To be honest this is what happens when a group of friends include a significant other or another random person. They end up being excluded at some point. It just happened to me this winter too. I joined my bestie for a trip with her friends. And whilst I know them, I don’t have the same history and there was something similar to yours happening too.
But once again, it changes nothing to what you owed for the Airbnb (in the end, you still had your room. And your problem with him using the shower is extreme considering you don’t pay for the water).
You need to relax a bit.
Reread her OP. No one in the group knew this guy before that day.
ESH. They shouldn’t have brought another person in the Airbnb without getting everyone’s approval, but it really didn’t change your living situation. You and your boyfriend still had your own room, it’s not like you were fighting over the shower with him. You’re being a little bit obnoxious about it and refusing to pay isn’t the way to talk about it. You guys should have been more blunt about it before he slept over, that was the time to discuss the money situation
I’m gonna say YTA here, but lightly. It was not cool to invite some rando to crash, but you agreed to $300, and unless they reached out and charged the random guy, you are asking the people you know to pay more than their allotted share as a penance for them letting someone crash.
Now if they charged the random person for staying the night and then did not equally deduct that amount from everyone else, that would be a different story.
But honestly this doesn’t seem like your issue is with the money, you even say you don’t care if it was only $5 you got back. This feels like you trying to be petty and get back at them for letting someone spend the night.
NTA, but don’t die on this hill. Pay it and never put your safety in their hands again. Many dangerous people are very sociable and this is how you get robbed or worse.
N-T-A for the security/safety concerns, but YTA for the after-the-fact payment demands. I mean, the guy slept on the couch…
ps> If you choose to share accommodations with these people in the future, make it clear *from the outset* that it’s a “no random people in the house/room” situation.
ESH – I would also hate being in that situation but you agreed to pay $300. This is a risk you take vacationing with people.
You’re also putting your boyfriend in a tough spot with his friends for what I calculate to be around $25 based on your post.
$300 * 5 people =$1,500 total / 2 nights total = $750 per night
($750 / 5 people for night 1) + ($750 / 6 people for night 2) = $275
Is this worth $25?
You know who the guys responding are. “You’re being dramatic. It is just some guy on the couch or in the shower.” But women are more vulnerable. Are more likely to be hurt, killed or SA’ed. It is a big lack of respect for them to invite an unknown person, or a person not known to everybody to the Airbnb.
Yep, you can tell who is a man in the comments by the way they completely dismiss the safety concern, just like OP’s guy friends did.
I think OP went about it the wrong way for refusing to pay after the fact, but the bigger concern is the friends who don’t see any issue with what they did when there was a woman in their group. Everyone is TA here except OP’s boyfriend.
In response to your last paragraph, nobody is criticizing you for feeling unsafe. You are completely valid here. We are criticizing you for demanding a small amount of money as if it it would fix the situation.
My friend got raped by «a chill dude» that someone brought to a party. She needed extensive surgery. Those three need a lesson in how the world works for a woman. Bringing home some stray guy is peak male privilege.
“Guys, we need to talk about the trip. I’ve done some soul searching on why I’m so mad about this, and it’s because this trip showed me that you think it’s okay to play fast and loose with my safety. The world is very different for men and women. You can bring home some random guy and the worst that happens is he steals. If a woman does, she could get raped and the guy wouldn’t even be convicted because she let him inn.
Do I think you guys would hurt me? No. Do I think “chill dude” would? I don’t know, and neither do you. Yet you let him into our cabin. Gave him easy access to me, sleeping and vulnerable. You didn’t care how unsafe I felt and completely dismissed my concerns.
I thought I could let loose and drink around you guys, but now I’m no longer comfortable doing that, because I don’t know if you would have left me alone, passed out, with some random “chill dude”.
If you think I’m overreacting then talk to the women in your life and ask them. Ask them about all the precautions they take to stay safe. Ask them about the things they do and don’t do.“
If they fire off a defensive or dismissive reply, then they are unreformable AH. NTA