This year for Christmas I (37F) got my daughter (15F) a cell phone, which she got at the end of November as her old one would no longer turn on, a basket with a blanket, 3 wick candle, body wash, lotion, body spray (candle to spray all from Bath & Body Works), 2 Lush bath Bombs, and snacks. She also got a backflow incense burner with 2 containers of backflow incense cones. Also there was a bigger box of Turtles, a book, couple boxes of After 8 thin mints. There were 2 types of paint pens and a couple canvases, bedding and pillows, and a Subway gift Card, as well as lost off different teas (she loves tea).
A few days after Christmas she told me she hated everything she got for Christmas. This was after my sister told her she did good for me this year, listening to what I wanted. She took that as an insult, like she never does good or something, while my sister just was like OMG a child that actually listens to their parent and knows what they like. My sister has a daughter the same age as mine and isn’t as caring, but there situation is a whole other thing.
Anyways my daughter goes off on me stating that she hates all her gifts, that she listened to me and why couldn’t I listen to her. I tried to be understanding the first time, but after the 2nd I was like WTH are you talking about. The things I got her were on her wishlist or she had specifically told me she wanted, like the chocolate and snacks.
She told me she didn’t understand why I only got her food and bath stuff (she also got me a bunch of bath stuff), that she got me stuff that would last and that I just got her stuff that would be gone and that she hated it all.
I think it was because this year I got a pretty good bonus for the Holidays, she seemed to expect more.
I did get her concert tickets for her Bday in March that she asked for, while I was out shopping, that I have not gave her yet. Yes that put be a little behind on what I could now realistically spend on her for Christmas.
But AITA or is my daughter just being a spoiled brat? If she is I know that is also on me as I have raised her as a single mom her entire life and I do spoil her. This is the first time that she was like this though.
NTA she’s being a spoiled brat.
She’s sounds too entitled.
Um did she just throw the phone in the gutter? She got a new phone. Unless y’all are made of money? What is she whining about. NTA
Edit: NTA. I think you have about 3 years before you release an entitled minor menace to society (sort of joking, but it might affect her future interpersonal relationships)
I’m leaning towards N T A because it sounds like you’re 2 steps away from raising a spoiled brat, but what does “I tried to be understanding the first time, but after the 2nd” mean? Like two Christmases? And what does your sister mean by “she did good”? Did your daughter get you presents that were good? Was she a good kid all year?
NTA…your daughter is acting spoiled and entitled. Don’t fall for the drama. She can give the gifts back and take nothing if she wants.
I am curious about the dynamic. My kid talks to me like that and they get no gifts. Including the phone.
Tell her to give it all back, including the phone, and you’ll go get her what she wanted.
NTA. She is being a brat and ungrateful.
NTA
Oh lord, listen. I sent my mom an Amazon wishlist when she asked what I wanted for Christmas. She bought NOTHING on the list. Instead she got me a few DVD’s I no longer have a DVD player and a couple gift cards. I had also mentioned two other specific stores that I’d like a gift card from if the wishlist didn’t work out…the gift cards were from a completely unrelated store. You did fantastic. That’s a huge haul from just one person and your daughter should be grateful. This isn’t a tax where a certain percentage of your bonus is required to go to your daughter.
Edit: I still said thank you, I definitely did not berate her for not getting me what I wanted
NTA. Reading about your daughter reminded me of Dudley from Harry Potter when he sees the presents.
She definitely doesn’t appreciate the amount of effort, money and care you put into her presents. She should be more appreciative.
She got loads of stuff and more is waiting. You have raised a spoiled child and teenage years are showing just how much. She needs to realize that she got what she asked for. If ahe wanted sth more durable, she should have said so. Though a new phone is as durable these days as it gets.
I mean, aside from the cell phone (which was a replacement for something she already had that broke), the gifts you gave her are pretty impersonal. They’re something I’d get a co-worker or an acquaintance, not my own child. Also, did you even get her bath stuff that she actually really likes? Or did you just go to a Bath & Body Works sale?
She comes off as entitled, but I wonder what her version of the story would be.
I’m going against the grain with ESH, because I feel like you’re not listening to your daughter the way you think you are.
I’m a mom to two teens, fwiw.
ETA: My mom’s love language was gift giving, but she would buy the gifts she could afford that she thought made her look good, not the gifts we actually wanted. I would have vastly preferred two big things that I actually wanted to a bunch of random bath stuff or food (which are gifts I received from her in the past).
NTA teen be wildin. I would say “First- you’re forgetting that your phone was an early Christmas gift. I can return that for a flip phone if you want something else. Second- I didn’t have much left after buying your birthday present, but I could return that gift and get you more for Christmas. I do think you would be sad to lose your birthday gift if you knew what it was. That said, I’m incredibly disappointed. I thought I had raised you to be grateful and value the thought more than the price tag. Apparently I need to re-evaluate my parenting.” Sometimes teens need the reminder that they are being selfish- it’s a phase most grow out of if we can get them to feel compassion now and then.
“If you hate all your gifts, we will return them and sell the ones that can’t be returned.”
My guess is that if you told her that, she’s suddenly not be so upset about the gifts.
NTA
Her behavior is unacceptable, and I sincerely hope you didn’t apologize or get more gifts.