I’m a senior in high school with honors testing quickly approaching. One of our first exams are coming up within the first week of February, and the exams are spread throughout different appointment times. This portion of the exam is practically a 10 minute presentation along with a question segment to strengthen our argument. The honors teachers recently came up with the scheduling for all 200 students, best fitting everyone’s needs (free periods, TA periods, etc). My friend (let’s call her Amelia) and I both have the same appointment time with different teachers on the same day, but our mutual close friend (we’ll call her Brooke) has a different appointment day but the same appointment time. Brooke’s appointment ended up as the same day as a rally, one that she’s performing in. The problem is, that day is the last day of testing, whereas me and Amelia’s appointment is mid week. Brooke asked if either me or Amelia would switch with her so she could move earlier and not have the exam and the performance on the same day.
Amelia and I have been thinking about it, but we both really don’t want to. It’s the last day, everyone is stressed out, and we’re both high anxiety individuals who don’t want to wait until the last minute to complete our exam. We do feel really bad because she seems to have a better excuse than us, but we really just don’t want to since the scheduling is already complete and it worked out the best with our schedules.
She already discussed with her teacher and he said she must find someone with a similar appointment time on a different day if she would like to switch. We both told her we care about her and are willing to help her reach out to others that may want to switch dates with her, but still don’t want to change our own dates unless no one else can. I don’t know if we’re being bad friends… but we really don’t want to do it at the end of the week since it may interfere with our testing scores.
AITA?
!!UPDATE!!!
Here is an update on how everything has played out and some clarifications.
Me and Amelia both didn’t want to switch but we still wanted to help, we did end up reaching out to other people in our grade with the same time slot that would potentially work if they were okay with swapping. When we told Brooke about one of the people we had reached out to, we found out that he had already offered to switch with her. She said that she did not want to swap with him because “(she) didn’t wanna mess his up (because she’s) not close to him”. which confused Amelia and I because she was okay throwing off our exam but not someone who offered.
Not upset with her at all because at the end of the day, we value her friendship over this exam and if nobody else was willing to swap with her one of us would have, but a little confused with the fact that she only wanted to swap with us and declined someone that was willing.
nta
I wouldn’t count on any favors from her in the future
I get it, you don’t want to do it at the end of the week. Still, I’d be rethinking the friendship if I were her.
Two things can be true at the same time. You can be NTA and also a bad friend at the same time. You’re not an asshole for not wanting to switch but not sacrificing for a friend is a bad friend move
Has she asked anyone else? I’m surprised no one wants the later time slot
NTA but definitely a bad friend.
aw I kinda get both sides being an anxious person myself. I think it kinda depends on the friendship and how much you value the friendship. Would she do it for you? Is this something she will hold against the both of you or will sour the relationship? Personally for any of my girlfriends, I would switch with them regardless of how it may affect my anxiety. I love them too much to let them be stressed out over something that could be so easily solved by such a small sacrifice. to have a village you have to be a villager! again would she do it for you?
She sounds more like an acquaintance than a friend. I mean, you CLEARLY don’t care about her problems.
NYA. But you’re not a friend either.
NAH – I don’t think anyone’s really *in the wrong* – but I’d advise you to consider swapping. I understand that you’re high-anxiety, but try to consider that she’s also dealing with the anxiety of the exams *on top of* having to stress about potentially missing a rally she’s performing in *and* the stress of trying to reschedule.
As a high-anxiety person myself (and one who really struggles with exams specifically), I’d swap. It’s the kind thing to do and a little additional anxiety for myself is worth it against the value of relieving some of a best friend’s stress. Plus, it helps to reframe it as the swap giving you *extra time to prepare*, if that helps at all.
NTAto the post BUT you are definitely a terrible friend (it doesn’t make you look like a good person in the basic sense of the word either really)
NTA
But you certainly aren’t a good friend. Of course you don’t have to switch. But not switching just because you don’t feel like it when someone you consider a friend has a valid reason is not nice. To be honest, I question if this really is a friend because it’s obviously not someone you care a whole lot about.
Idk I feel like having test anxiety is a good reason to not want to put off the test, NTA. If you’re really her friend though you should definitely help reach out to other classmates.
She could also potentially talk to her coach and see if they can get her time switched with the teacher so she can do the performance.
Also, I would ask the teacher why it needs to be a similar time slot??
NTA. If I understand correctly, Brooke is not actually going to *miss* the rally, she just doesn’t want to do both on the same day.
The correct answer to this is “deal with it.”