Throwaway account for privacy, also first post ever on Reddit.
I’ll start by saying that nothing has been broken yet, as far as I know.
My wife’s family has friends come over for holidays (4th of July, New Years, stuff like that) and they always bring their kid (6 year old) with them.
I don’t hate the kid, I’m not evil. But the main issue is the kid has Autism, so he isn’t like other kids. He runs around the house, jumping on furniture, trying to open doors that are locked, and climbing up stuff, including people. His parents stop him once in a while, but it always ends up being me, my wife, or her parents going to stop him.
I found out I also have Autism, and noticed that I am on a different spectrum than the kid, so his actions really mess with me. His parents tend to go outside to smoke and/or talk with my wife’s parents for about 30+ minutes every hour or two, so it’s up to me and my wife to watch him. Everytime we send him out with them, they let him in a few minutes later.
At first we were ok watching him, but lately it seems his parents see us as free babysitters. We have told them about how the kid is messing with me mentally, and how we are not babysitters. They claim we aren’t, but it keeps happening, and we have to constantly tell the kid to stop climbing stuff or grabbing breakable stuff that he managed to reach or find.
We got to the point that the next time he goes to grab something that could break, we won’t stop him. And when his parents come in asking what happened, we will tell them. "We are not your babysitters. If you want us to watch your kid like this, then you should be paying us."
So Reddit, WIBTA if I allow the kid to break something because it’s not my job to watch a kid that isn’t even mine?
Small edit: I forgot to add the words "in my" on the title, so it’s break something in my wife’s parent’s house
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to watch the kid nor your in-laws’ things.
When they all go out of sight of their child, you and your wife should join them or go elsewhere. Don’t allow them the opportunity to leave you with their child.
Yes this. Don’t be alone with the child or you’ll be blamed.
NTA, except that the DRAMA that this would likely create …
Simplest solution: go out with them, for some ‘fresh air’. If they say “Oh, but you need to watch \[kid\]” then act all surprised: “Why? He’s not OUR responsibility.”
This! Remove selves from the situation. It doesn’t sound healthy, mentally or emotionally.
Not your circus….
Why are you always there when the friends come instead of leaving and going back to your place? True, you are not babysitters and shouldn’t have to take care of the child.
If you did what you said you would, your biggest peoblem wouldn’t be the parents of the child, but your wife’s family. Yes, the kid would break something, but it is not his parents’ house. Your wife’s family would be out of an object and they would react. The kid might also injure himself and they would be liable.
If you want to stop, you have 2 options: 1) tell your inlaws that you will not be supervising the child anymore and let them decide what they want to do, 2) don’t be there when their friends are.
The “I am not paid for this” is disingenuous. You don’t want to babysit, so why would you say you would for money?
NTA for not wanting to babysit, but don’t do it as you originally planned.
nta but i wouldn’t do it that way. i would just start leaving the party before all that got too bad. if that isn’t an option, start going where they go. they go out to smoke y’all go sit out there with them.
Every time they leave the room, you go with them.
Or go for a walk, or go take a shower, or a nice long shit.
NTA but you need to just leave if the kid triggers you.
Yes, YWBTA for watching a kid play who clearly lacks discipline break things and/or get hurt. That being said though, I would walk out the house every time they do. OR I would leave. I’m not sure why you guys continue to subject yourself to this behavior. But as soon as they walk out to smoke, we’d be there too so he couldn’t stay inside. Then I’d find my way back in. OR I’d repeatedly call them out, “hey! Please come get your son. He’s breaking and climbing on things” until they took him outside.
I understand your frustration, but I’m giving you a very mild YWBTA.
A much better solution would be to stiffen your spine and stop allowing these people to trap you inside the house with their kid.
Them: “We’re going out back for a bit.”
You: “Great, we’ll join you!”
Or: “Enjoy! We’re going to take a walk around the neighborhood while you do that.”
Or even: “Then take Junior with you. We’re done babysitting him.”
If you’re not able to stand up for yourselves, you may have to stop attending these get-togethers.
Posting this here so I don’t risk going over characters on original post.
1. Wife’s family knows about my issues. My wife and I have told them many times we would let the kid break something because he isn’t our responsibility. They never got mad at this, or if they did, never said anything.
2. My wife and I live about an hour away, since we are in school. I don’t like always coming down to visit, but due to holidays and cause my wife is unable to drive, I have to come down. And before anyone says anything, yes my wife and her family knows I don’t like going to these small parties, and I don’t like driving down. I stay until the holiday is over and then I drive back home. My wife either joins me or stays for a few days and her dad drives her back.
3. I can’t handle the smell of smoke, so I don’t go outside when they do.
I’ll edit this more when needed to answer more questions
This isn’t a solution. The kid could get hurt. Just stop accepting invitations when you know they will be there. And if you do accept then follow them outside. You know the pattern. If they stand up to go outside, you and your wife immediately stand with them. Stick to them like glue. “Yeah, I could do with some fresh air. The kid? What about him? Who will watch him? Well, we already said we were done being babysitters, so I guess you or his parents.”
Slight ESH for your solution.
Simply walk outside when they let him in, and suggest that they’d better send someone inside to watch him.