So, one of my sisters decided to take to TikTok and air out some family grievances in a way she saw nothing wrong with. She thinks because she left out certain specifics like names etc that it’s okay doing what she did. It almost ruined Christmas for everyone, and it’s been constantly on my mind. She called me the other day and went on a 30-minute rant asking me to have her back, essentially.
It’s created a very uncomfortable situation where my other sister in question didn’t even want her kids to accept Christmas gifts from here, and they have since stopped speaking entirely. I mean, am I the asshole for not picking a side here? It should be noted that she is autistic and doesn’t really read social cues very well, either, and as a result, she sees nothing wrong at all with the situation.
I really have no clue what in the hell to do. I’ve watched my family fall apart at a time when, in recent years, we have already lost so many.
I mean, you’re allowed to not take her side, but was what she said really that serious to make your other sister cut contact with her? I mean how serious can it be, and how many views does the video have to make the family that upset? I wouldn’t say what she did was right, I don’t think airing out family business on the internet is ever the right thing but if it’s really other friends watching the video who are going to here about it anyway and some strangers who have no idea who yall are is it that big of a deal? Also, if she’s autistic maybe sit down and explain why it’s not okay? I feel like your other sister may be being a tad bit dramatic but I could be wrong
And now you’re on Reddit venting to strangers about said situation?
Not here venting the specifics, which is the difference.
Tbf there’s a difference when reddit is much more anonymous than an app where people put their entire faces online without censoring.
Unfortunately without the specifics it’s hard to really judge. Was she asking for advice like you are or literally just venting, spewing private information that, from for viewers could give away who/what it’s about?
I’m leaning toward NTA. Just because she doesn’t see the social cues, doesn’t mean she can’t hear that her siblings/family are upset. She may not understand the whys and nuance, but can likely understand that her actions have hurt people and made them uncomfortable.
You shouldn’t have her back. You should be honest about the situation. Explain what others are feeling and how her choices have affected them and the relationships.
I’m sorry op, this sucks. But don’t let anyone know you’ve aired your greviences on Reddit
I’ve tried, and now it’s created a rift because I’ve always taken her side on things in the past, because the majority of the time I could see where she had a point. This time, she used TikTok as her therapist, and just dumped years’ worth of stuff, no matter how small or petty. She had our mother and grandmother crying it was that bad.
That’s awful. I feel so bad for your mom and grandma, unless it was really horrible stuff they had done, because I also believe that if you wanted people to not say bad things about you, you shouldn’t have done bad things to them.
I think it’s time to take off the kid gloves, and stop letting sister have defense when she really doesn’t deserve it.
It seems like everything has been going downhill faster since we lost my grandfather, and then, being the oldest grandchild for some reason, I got everything dumped on me. I tried taking the kid gloves off, and she threatened to move just because she knows how much it hurts some family members. I’m starting to wonder if she doesn’t have some kind of personality disorder on top of the autism.
It’s possible. But maybe moving would be such a bad thing if she is just hurting all of you. You could also consider going low/no contact. I’m so sorry op. That’s really hard to lose a family member.
You gotta give us some more details, like what did she say and how many people saw it, etc. I will say that not taking a side just to keep the peace isn’t worth it and is a great way to keep the wrong people in your life. If someone you love does something heinous (not saying that’s the case here, just in general) then it is normal and acceptable to admonish them for it. I think scolding your sister for airing out dirty laundry online is fairly tame.
NTA not enough people know that your Tiktok algorithm includes people nearby. If you share a wifi signal with someone, tiktok might show them your videos. It uses contact syncs and GPS as well.
So yea, your sister did something incredibly stupid. She might have done it in ignorance but that doesn’t change the fact that her actions hurt others. When your actions hurt others you apologize to them. End of story.
Tell your autistic sister that grievances should be worked out with the help of a therapist and not posted publicly on social media. Next time stop the rant. State what she did was unexpected behaviour. Tell her if she has a problem with a person she needs to go to them individually to deal with it. You are correct to stop the triangulation. You need to set boundaries. NTA