My boyfriend and I are both bisexual and are comfortable with each other having friends of any gender. Early in our relationship, I met his girl best friend, whom he’d known since high school. We all got along really well and would hang out all together.
Things changed after a party that neither my boyfriend nor I attended. His friends later told him that his best friend, who struggles with alcoholism, became extremely drunk. She started throwing up and taking off her clothes in the bathroom while a man was also there. One of my boyfriends friend said to wait a moment because that man was this there (her boyfriend) and she wanted to have him go in the other room. My boyfriend’s girl best friend reportedly said something like, “It’s okay, insert boyfriend’s name can stay,” even though my boyfriend wasn’t there.
It took my boyfriend a few weeks to talk to her about this, which upset me since we’d both previously expressed discomfort about her words/actions towards him. I told him her actions crossed my boundaries. He understood and told her he no longer felt comfortable hanging out. On the call she said she blacked out, didn’t remember the incident, and didn’t know why she would do that.
For most of the year, they didn’t have contact. I would ask every now and then if they were talking. A few months ago, she unexpectedly showed up at his work with friends and asked if he wanted to hang out. He declined and later called me to tell me about it. I learned that shortly before this, they had started following each other on Instagram and began chatting again because he wanted to see if she was doing better.
I also noticed he liked one photo of hers where she was wearing a tight dress and none of her other posts were liked. He said he didn’t remember liking that photo and thought it was a different one that he had liked.
I feel uncomfortable with how this unfolded, especially since he didn’t tell me they were talking again until after she showed up at his work. I value communication, and this made me feel like something was hidden. Months later, I’m still struggling to trust him. I feel like I see him and the relationship differently now, think about this daily, and feel it’s contributing to my depression. How do we rebuild trust again?