Me (20MtF) and my sister (25F) both still live in our parents’ house and have our parents providing for us. My sister’s had endometriosis since puberty. To those who don’t know, it’s a condition that can cause severe pain during menstruation and digestion; there’s more to it than just that but that’s what’s relevant to this situation.
For the last 2-3 years, my sister’s been doing less around the house, she has no job, she’s not been doing chores or even simple tasks like giving the dogs their medicine in the evening. I’m perfectly capable of doing tasks like that myself, but it annoys me that I, after getting a full-time job, am still having to do these tasks when I think my sister should be fully capable of doing them. She told me she used to think the pain she was experiencing was normal for every girl. However, what I take away from that is that she used to be willing to push through it despite the pain but now that she knows that it’s abnormal she sees that as an excuse to just do nothing, and when I ask her to do something she always tells me she’s in too much pain, but recently she’s just been sitting on the couch playing a mindless tycoon game on her phone all day, not even doing anything somewhat productive or beneficial like writing (which is a hobby of hers), reading a book, or anything like that, just sitting around playing mobile games. She will more often help when she’s not on her period, but even so she doesn’t do nearly as much as she could be.
In contrast, our sibling (23) who has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and a seizure disorder, is moved out of the house, living with friends. They don’t have a job either but they still pull their weight in their home, doing chores, cooking, and keeping the house in shape while their roommates are making money. I talked to them about this situation and they had this to say:
*"What I can sympathize with:*
* *Disability impacting your ability to do things you used to do. EDS is degenerative and dynamic, so I don’t have consistent symptoms, but on bad days it’s really hard to get things done*
* *being in pain sucks and it’s really easy to just lay around and suffer vs getting up and doing shit*
*Where I stop sympathizing:*
* *Today I woke up in a lot of pain. I took a hot shower and covered myself in medicated body wash. I slathered my whole body in arthritis gel. I put on every goddamn brace I own. Knees, ankle, wrist. I cleaned my room, i did my laundry, I unloaded the dishwasher, I wiped down the stove, I made myself dinner and I washed a pan. I did so with the power of 4 naps, breaks in between, 100oz of water and a frankly obscene amount of painkillers."*
Am I the asshole for thinking that she’s just being lazy and using her disability as an excuse, and for frequently trying to push her to help out more now that I have a job and she doesn’t? Or am I just being ableist?