I am in high school right now, but this all happened in middle school. I recently lost a friend group because my ex told them I cheated on him. He’s not wrong I did, but I deeply regret it.
Well, they don’t know is the context before dating him. I was an abusive situation with someone significantly older than me that I thought I ended. But about a month into the relationship that person started to contact me again telling me he’d end himself if I didn’t get back together with him I was a seventh grader. He was a sophomore and I panicked
I told my ex the truth. He forgave me and we stayed together for a bit, but I couldn’t live with the guilt and ended things myself because I felt like I betrayed him.
I’m not trying to be friends with these people again or excuse what I did. I just don’t want to go into the new semester sharing classes with them while being seen as some horrible person based on only part of the story.
AITA for wanting to explain my side even though I know I was wrong?
You’re NTA for wanting to explain yourself. You made a mistake, but context matters, and it’s reasonable to want people to understand the full story especially when it’s about something serious like coercion and abuse. Just be honest, keep it brief, and don’t expect everyone to forgive, but you’re allowed to share your side.
lol high school
NTA.
Um guys? This happened in middle school? Do you see how seriously messed up this? This was an abusive, coercive situation that seriously should not be happening in middle school.
OP: I would strongly encourage you to seek mental support for this situation. You clearly feel intense guilt for the cheating. Yes cheating is wrong but you are also very young and were in a very messed up situation. Please seek help and show yourself a little compassion.
Listen, anyone who cares what you did in 7th grade doesn’t matter.
Did you “cheat?” Yeah. It’s pretty cut and dry there. Is it insanely weird that a sophomore was “dating” a 7th grader and manipulative as all hell to tell you he was gonna end it if you didn’t get back with him? Also yeah.
This is something that feels like it will matter forever, but I promise you it won’t. If those people treat you badly, it’s worth telling them about the situation and asking what they’d have done if you want to have some type of friendship. If you don’t want to be friends, just ignore them.
NAH you were a child in an abusive situation with an older child. This seems like a serious ordeal that you went through. I think context and ages are extremely important here. I also think that your friends aren’t wrong to not want the explanation. Both you and your recent ex call it cheating. That’s a hard line for a lot of people, as you may be able to tell from other commenters.
Seek therapy rather than trying to explain them the situation. You need help.
You’re a kid who was being abused. Cur yourself a break. You were in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Don’t listen to these redditors. They think cheating is a mortal sin. Holding a middle schooler to the same standard as adults is insane. NTA.
My biggest issue here is that this group of friends drop people because they cheated in junior high. My god we’re supposed to learn how to cheat in junior high. We’re horrible people in junior high it’s about the worst time for humanity other than toddler (little sociopaths). Toddlers and middle school kids are just absolutely raging hormones and tastes of freedom that cause rebellion. Both are horrible and mean.
Get that stuff out now… that’s the whole point. This whole weird turn of the younger set where you have these pint-sized Ayatollahs coming around to judge and stone ya (pause for the one person who gets that), where a friend group would disappear a friend for the mere act of being a human and messing up… It’s such a problem that I see. It was junior high… Don’t beat yourself up
NTA, it’s not your fault, you were being abused and manipulated. You really shouldn’t have had to apologize to your ex tbh because at the end of the day you were being heavily guilt tripped into the whole thing. If possible, tell a trusted adult next time this happens (hopefully it won’t happen again)
Ignore all these comments saying you cheated. You were a literal child.
NTA. Besides the circumstances you either weren’t even a teenager even or barely one.
NTA. First of all, you’re were a child and still are a child. Second of all, I don’t even consider that cheating. You were abused/coerced by your ex. These Y T A cheating comments are absurd.
Honey. You were a child. You’re still nothing more of a teenager.
Your friends are acting upon the rules we learn from social media, tv and songs and are too immature to question the nuance.
Any adult knows that even malicious cheating
NTA for wanting to explain your side. NTA for the “cheating” either. But… please tell me this “cheating” was just kissing and nothing worse. Because, depending on the ages at the time, we’re looking at grounds for some serious legal issues against that ex (at the time).
Honey, you were a KID. Hell, I’m a LOT older than you are and even though you’re in Highschool now, you’re STILL a kid.
You didn’t deserve any of that, and you need to understand that the “cheating” was not your fault. If you feel the need to explain yourself to your old friend group, you can do that. But personally? I wouldn’t waste my time. I’d look into exploring new groups you could join and making new friends.
Highschool only happens once, and I wouldn’t waste my time with drama when I could be exploring new things like Choir/Band/Programming/etc. Lots of new people to meet.