I 19(f) have been in a relationship with M22 for about a year now. Him and I have a great relationship and great connection love him to die. But, one of his flaws is that he spends an insane amount of money on things that he doesn’t need.
For example, Black Friday we went shopping for stuff because yk Black Friday.
I was looking for stuff to buy together make his apartment more apartment like and he was looking at washing machines…
I was kind of making fun of him for wanting to buy a washing machine as he lived in a studio and obviously had no place. He was being dead serious. I was looking at a small oven or a microwave that was there for like 60 bucks and he was looking at 500 washing machines.
He bought a washing machine.. when they brought it to his apartment he had no space and had to sell it on Facebook marketplace for almost half the price.
Now I’m a very supportive girlfriend and love my boyfriend to death but sometimes I’m taken aback by the things he buys that he genuinely does not need. He also has crazy expensive taste like this one time I found this 3$ perfume that smelled amazing and bought it for him. He was so excited until I mentioned the price and I never saw him use it.
My boyfriend has a trip coming up and I’ve seen that he has been struggling to save up he keeps spending on stuff he does not need and I’m seeing him stressing out. Thing his he doesn’t know that for the last 6 months since I knew of this trip I’ve been stealing money from his wallet and put it aside in a box where I’m also contributing a small amount weekly. In total I’ve stolen him 1000$ and I have put 450$ myself out of this thousand. I know he won’t be mad because I’m already helping him with his finances and he is grateful and keeps saying he hasn’t seen this much money available…. (He just stopped spending on stuff he does not need.)
Edit: forgot to add that I will be giving him this money obviously before he goes on this trip and I encourage him to have fun with it. I know that he will most likely spend it on EDC tickets.
I talked with my friend about it and she was shocked I would do that, said he was a grown ass man and should be able to deal with his finances alone. So now I’m back tracking on my decision..
AITA?
Update #1: y’all made me realize how bad this looks. Im on my way to his work place which is right next to my house to tell him. I love him and I hope to god I don’t get dumped.
Final update: I am still at his work place, he’s a bartender and I am posting this..
he already knew. He found it out about 2 months in. He said that while he was cleaning he found the box with the money and the goal. He told me that’s why in the last few months he had let me do his finances. He said he’s thankful that im being supportive about the event that he wanted to go to.
He is kind of mad that I thought the washing machine was a dumb idea but said he forgives me and loves me.
Great news is that we are still together and we are having pizza for dinner.
I know this is probably not the update y’all was hoping for but I’m very glad that most of you guys told me to tell him. Im now realizing my actions were wrong but I’m glad that I am still with the person I love most.
Are you his GF or his mom?
Stealing money, no matter the reason, is keeping something from him, and lies will never work in a relationship. Even tho what you’re doing is nice, odds are he’ll be mad. Men can be insecure about this stuff.
ESH
why do you think you’re compatible with a person you feel you have to steal from?
YTA and most likely soon to be single.
Hes a grown man and can spend money HE earns anyway he wants to. If he has bad money management. Thats his problem.
You are a thief. You need to give him back his money, and leave him alone. He wont be happy youre helping him with his finances. Youre stealing from him.
Eta. Im married 15 yrs I would NEVER touch his wallet or take money he has in his wallet. Without his permission the answer is always yes. But its the principle.
YTA. You shouldn’t be messing with someone’s finances without their knowledge or permission, even if you think it’s for their own good.
YTA for stealing. Period.
ESH – He’s a grown man, 3 years older than you. And you’re managing his money like he was a little kid.
You have two choices. Either let him swim on his own, and possibly sink. Because that is the only way he’ll learn. Or find another guy.
Otherwise the dynamic will still be the same in 20 years.
In the meantime, do not commingle your funds.
I don’t think YTA and I wouldn’t call it stealing because of the context.
But your GF is right that he’s a grown ass man who should have more financial sense. I also worry that you choose to be wirh someone who you are financially incompatible with. Lots of red flag control issues on your part as well as entitled behavior on his part. But also, it’s his money.
this post is disingenuous, ad this is a talk you need to have with your boyfriend. you need to explain to him you have been stealing and need to ask HIM if he would be mad. i know i would be mad and i think you would too. but right now this post is just fishing for validation about a topic that is morally wrong.
ESH, get him an appointment with a financial advisor. You should not be trying to save him. And for everything do not combine finances with him, ever.
YTA
Stop touching his money. Give him it back. Stop going behind your partner’s back. Stop trying to control him.
There are other was to deal with this “problem” but when he finds out you’ve been doing what you have he will instantly lose trust in you….and quite right. How will know you gave him it all back? How will he know you aren’t hiding more serious stuff?
Very weird behaviour….and we are only here to judge you, not your partner’s spending habits. Grow up
YTA you’re not his mom, you have no right to manage him.
If he wants to make financial mistakes, that’s his business. You can give your opinion, not steal his money.
YTA big time. Stealing from a BF that you love to death ? in what world is this OK ?
NAH
This is not someone to be in a long term relationship with. Absolutely Not someone you want to have children with.
Not unless he figures out how to actually manage his money.
What you did is understandable, but is also not okay. Stealing and hiding money from your partner as a method of helping him save is not a good strategy and will end up backfiring on you.
If he can at all afford it, he should get assessed for things like ADHD and may need to be on adhd or other medication. It sounds like he has a real impulsivity problem coupled with I don’t know….lack of critical thinking??? Forethought? Like the washing machine thing is bonkers.
Your intentions are good, but please save your money, do not give him money. He needs to experience consequences. He might also need therapy since these seems to go beyond normal impulsive spending.
YTA, and I actually don’t think the “theft” is why. Is because you’re enabling and infantilizing him