My two son’s live in a house I own (21 and 19). I specifically have them paying only utilities because we know times are tough. Its equally divided between the two. The conditions were pay utilities, keep a room for me and get along. The younger (19) has a gf. Lets call her Liz. Ever since I moved out Liz has been inviting herself over whenever she wants even when he’s not home. I had no problem until today when my oldest was sharing a story. See my room growing up was the "hang out" spot for the kids. The living room was always vancant because they liked my room and tv best. So that’s basically been the comon room their entire lives. But since moving out my youngest moved his bed in with my permission. But with the understanding that it is the common room and his brother likes hanging out there. Well a couple days ago his (19M) gf(20F) came over when he wasnt home. My other son has no issues with her so he let her in. He went to my room to watch movies and she followed. He was on the futon in the corner she was in the bed son (19) moved in. Half way through the movie they were watching (again in my room a common shared space) she tells asks him to leave bc shes uncomfortable with him there and wants to nap. He leaves cause what is he to say? The next day my other son confronts him asking about what happened and told him to stay out of the room. I found out today about this. Like I said my room has always been a common room and that was the understanding of my leaving. So I set a rule that the gf can only be at the house when my son (19) is home and to never be at the house when hes not there. He thinks this is unreasonable. I told him his if his gf is uncomfortable with my other son being around in his house when hes not there then she shouldnt be there. Am I the asshole?
The girlfriend has a lot of gall telling the other brother to leave the room, ANY ROOM, when it’s not her house. I 100% agree with OP.
NTA.
If she’s uncomfortable in someone else’s home when her bf isn’t there then she doesn’t need to be there. I’m not saying all women are like this, but if she was cruel, she could accuse him of something awful and there would be a he said she said situation. That would put bf in a REALLY tough spot. You, OP, are paying the rent and are setting a boundary that protects both your son and gf. This rule is the best solution imo to prevent any possible rifts in the future.
YTA for letting him move his bed in that room.
It’s very easy to anticipate him wanting to bad his brothers from “his” room, whether you agreed or not.
He’s also TA for doing so.
Tell him to move his bed back into his own room.
And stick with it that his girlfriend is not there unless the son/bf is.
Though – I wouldn’t let her in the house, at all.
NTA. And it kind of protects your son too. Your son shouldn’t have to leave the room or the house because the gf is there. I understand her feeling uncomfortable with him there while she wants to nap, but her bf wasn’t in the house. She could go take a nap in her own house or while her bf is there. And why come to hang out while her bf is not in the house and then feel uncomfortable with the person who also lives there?
If she’s uncomfortable, then she shouldn’t nap. Simple as that.
right like… go home lol
The girlfriend is doing a soft launch move in, that’s why.
My fear as well. If thats the case my youngest needs to find a different place to live.
Best you get that message across immediately
I think you need to make this VERY clear to your youngest.
If GF wants her space, either she goes back home, or she and your youngest need to move into their own flat.
Yep she wants to take over that room as her ‘bedroom’.
NTA op but I’d be setting rules about partners and getting that bed moved back out.
NTA
If she’s a guest in the house (ie not paying rent) then she should only be there when the person who invited her (19m) is there to host her.
Exactly my point. But they aren’t even paying rent. Just utilities.
NTA, but 19 needs to move his bed back into a bedroom so that the living room can actually act as a living room again