My significant other and I have been together for roughly three years now. Ever since she moved in, I’ve noticed she doesn’t close cabinets or drawers all the way, except for the one I ask her to close softly; that one she always closes hard. Recently, I asked her, "Hey babe, can you please try to make an extra effort to close drawers and cabinets when you’re done with them? Please, please, please." She then went off on me. She started to bring up things I do that she doesn’t like, and I said I make an extra effort to do them, but she won’t agree to make an extra effort to do what I asked. Am I out of line here?
NTA at all. This is a basic thing? Like, you shouldn’t even have to ask this.
I agree, but that’s just me. I never leave things open, I don’t quite understand why it’s so difficult personally, but that’s why I asked her to please just take a little extra effort to close things.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t close cabinets and drawers except for my 15 year old, but she’s a kid, and when I told her to close them she now closes them.
Most other people don’t either.
NTA. Hopefully she’ll walk around the corner and run into a drawer or cabinet that she left open. Maybe then she’ll see why you close them!
NTA. There is another thing going on she doesn’t want to talk about. And then she is gaslighting you and redirecting the conversation, manipulative behavior, red flag.
An ex of mine used to do this and it drove me crazy. It’s not just messy (who wants to be in a kitchen/bedroom/bathroom/home that looks like it’s been ransacked?!), it’s actively dangerous. NTA.
Curiously, this can be a sign of ADHD, especially if she was never diagnosed as a child. Any other symptoms? NTA, this drives me bonkers.
This is absolutely a sign of ADHD: our entire household is ADHDers, and we all struggle with closing cabinets, doors, and drawers. We also all get annoyed with each other over it.
I don’t think it’s an issue with closing drawers and cabinets. I think she has an issue with you. You said the only drawer she closes is the one you asked her to close softly, but she slams it every time. You asked to close cabinets and drawers, she doesn’t . You called her out on her behavior and she deflected. This is not about the cabinets. It seems she needs to learn how to use her words and communicate what her issue/s is/are.
my husband (of 25 yrs) just cannot put anything down straight. it is always tipped or leaning up against something. just set it straight! but noooo. ive gotten to where i dont care about anything anymore. its exhausting and i dont have the energy. not dying on this hill
NTA
All those open doors & drawers look tacky, messy, and unfinished.
What is her excuse for not closing things?
Is she trying to irritate you?
Does she always deflect when you bring up an issue? It seems to be that if you were doing something that bugs her, she would bring it up in a timely manner – – not wait until you were asking her to do or not do something. That makes her “issues” not seem real.
NTA I actually had a similar situation decades ago when I got married. I always left cabinets and drawers open. I mean, I was 21. He asked me to close them and mentioned he’d hit his head on one. I realized it was a bad and lazy habit and I set about to change it. And I did. I forgot several times but wanted to change the habit. I’ve been divorced 23 years (it wasn’t about the cabinets) and now I can’t stand it if a cabinet is open. It’s a sensible request.
“she doesn’t close cabinets or drawers all the way, except for the one I ask her to close softly; that one she always closes hard.”
That makes me think she’s angry with you. But then why would she move in with you if she’s angry with you all the time?
I can understand forgetting to close stuff (although it annoys me when people don’t close things), but to close it hard when you asked her to close it softly makes me wonder if she’s doing it on purpose.