My work bestie got her friend a contract-job at our workplace and the woman has bullied the absolute hell out of me for the past year and a half.
She has lied about me to my boss, in front of me! She won’t answer my emails, my phone calls (all work related), so work has become dysfunctional along with the personal attacks. I found out she has lied to the other staff about me, talked badly about me and our company to other professionals we work closely with, and has even recently stooped to belittling me to our clients. We’re in the wedding business, and I had two separate brides call me last Fall letting me know that this woman who is representing our company said terrible things about me and the company…saying she was erratic and they were terrified she would ruin their wedding day. She will never work at my workplace again….but the damage has been done.
I have never had someone lie about me like this. It’s literally insanity. It has kept me up at night, I have cried over this, and lived in fear about what she could possibly lie about next. I have re-read all our emails over and over trying to figure out what I must have done to this woman to deserve it. I have been nothing but kind to her. It makes NO sense.
My work bestie quit for family reasons at the end of last summer, but she knows what has gone on with this and is STILL close friends with this other woman. She also still tries to be close with me, wanting to go out to dinner, still calling me her best friend, etc. I eventually went to her place and had a long conversation with her about how I can’t trust her anymore since she chose to still be friends with this woman after all she’s done to me. I told her that I still love her very much, but the friendship we used to have may never be that way again–I would never stay friends with a habitual liar and bully. And to see they’re still close just gives me big feelings of resentment and distrust.
Am I the asshole? I just feel like she can not be trusted and I can’t get past the anger I feel towards her for never coming to my defense.
Info: what was your friend’s response? Did she have anything to say in defense of her continued friendship with this person?
She said she has just been friends with her for SO long and she has never acted this way before….I told her if that’s the case she needs to encourage her to seek help because this is pathological and scary.
That’s a pretty weak response on her part. Did she have anything to say about why her friend had been acting like this? Also, did she say or do anything while it was happening?
I guess none of these questions matter, if it went down as you say then you’re definitely NTA for pulling back or for letting her know about it and why. It’s just hard for me to understand why her friend would be such an asshole and why she would have stood by and watched it happen without doing or saying something. The whole thing seems incomprehensible.
It is!!! I wanted to type out the whole thing play by play but I exceeded the word limit.
Her friend originally hated me because when she was having health complications when she first started working for us apparently I didn’t seem concerned enough. I told her via email my family and team would be praying for her and hoped all went well with her medical issues…apparently she thinks I should have called her asking for more information?? I had met her twice before this. To me that would be so inappropriate.
Literally from then on no matter how nice I tried to be, no matter how many times I told her I have nothing against her it just got worse and worse. All of my fear about this woman stems from the fact that all her behavior has come with no real reason. To me, if you didn’t need a reason to behave this way then what could you do if you really had one??
Yeah, why on earth would your friend want to be friends with someone like that? Sad, but best to cut your losses. There will be many friends in your life. No need to waste time with a bad one.
NTA at all.
A friend to all is a friend to none. There’s no way that this other woman wouldn’t be talking about you with your friend and it can be assumed your friend allowed for vulgar things to be said about you in her presence.
Protect yourself and your peace and find new friends who will also protect you and your peace.
Thank you. It was just so hard that she looked heartbroken and shocked, but I could never do this to HER so I have no idea how she didn’t see this coming.
She’s allowed to be sad about friendships ending, there’s nothing wrong with that and so are you.
But if she’s not capable of being a friend that stands up for you and doesn’t end friendships that have others around you ruining opportunities and making your life miserable, then she’s not good at being a healthy friend.
Maybe she’ll take this to heart and end her friendship with this woman and you can rebuild a stronger foundation with solid boundaries.
Thank you, she is allowed to be sad…I guess that’s what made me feel like the asshole, but it’s true that sometimes something is shitty all around!
For sure, even she is a friend to you, true friends would step in and call out others, if she’s still associating herself with her then you know her loyalties don’t lie with you
NTA. Your former work bestie seems to be falling prey to a mentality of “well, she’s never done any of that *to me*.” It doesn’t reflect well on work bestie’s character or her common sense, as she’s choosing to prioritize a person who harmed you and may well turn on her too. I’d let this friendship go.
NTA
Your BFF had made her choice to still be friends with someone who is a liar and a bully. BFF is ok with the awful behavior, you don’t have to be. Looks like your now former BFF isn’t the person you thought she was, time to go LC or just cut her out if your life. I, too, would never be able to trust someone who was friends with a bully.
NTA.
Your antagonist is unhinged and your “bestie” is a wishy washy flake. I would ween out of the friendship if I’ve already expressed my feelings. Maintain your professionalism at work and prove your slanderer wrong. Good luck!
NTA
Who one chooses to he friends with is an indicator of what values they have