i have a cold right now and they just came home from working from 4pm-9pm. i asked if on their way home they could pick up some tea from the grocery store. they did, came home, laid down & when i asked if they could make it, they said their feet hurt too much and they can’t get back up. i said they should’ve just made it when they came home before laying down because it takes 2 seconds.
i was a little annoyed at first because yesterday i worked from 8am-3pm, still a little sick & i came home, immediately did our dishes that they forgot to do that they told me they would do and got right on to making us dinner.
i used this comparison which they said was not fair because “i planned to make dinner anyways” and “its not the same.” for other context, we just had a big thing about setting better standards for each other. i committed to being less needy and they committed to doing things more without being asked. AITA for using the comparison and expecting them to make me tea?
NTA. Partners should expect to do favors like this, especially if the other person is sick.
YTA, comparing like that doesn’t make sense. Communicate properly by saying, I’m really sick and would appreciate you to do this for me, maybe you can rest for 30 mins and then make tea? If the problem is greater than that, you need to address it properly. Right now you’re just trying to guilt them into being nice to you…. Not great for a relationship
Yta for expecting this and basically pulling a “you owe me” card when he said no.
None of what you did yesterday has anything to do with him making tea for you today. Sure it would’ve been nice, but he said no bc he just laid down and was tired. Just like you likely should’ve done yesterday when you got home. I’d do that next time versus doing his chores and making him dinner. If things don’t get done unless you do them, then that’s the real issue.
Yta. You have a cold, not Ebola.
NTA
I’d reevaluate my entire relationship at this point
Nobody has to make their partner a cup of tea
But when my wife isn’t feeling good I take care of her just like she takes care of me when I’m sick
Yours can’t even seem to do the bare minimum
That’s no partnership
ESH. You sound kinda whiny and score keeping. But doing things for our loved ones, especially when they are unwell is part of showing you care in a loving relationship, and asking them to make it for you wasn’t unreasonable. Plus it seems to be part of a bigger pattern of lack of care/consideration on their part.
NTA. We each make sure to ask the other if they need something to drink when we’re sick, regardless of the kind of day we’ve had. It just feels like pretty basic consideration.
NTA. They truly could’ve done it regardless of what you did yesterday.
They knew you were sick
They knew you were asking for tea specifically cause you’re sick.
That’s literally 1 additional step.
Side note: I think it’s so interesting that everyone (and in particular the Y T As) is assuming your partner is male, given you were very careful to leave the genders out.
Look I’m gonna buck the trend and say NAH. As someone who used to work a standing job, absolutely valid that your partner is in physical pain. However, I don’t understand why people think you’re being unreasonable for asking for tea. This is such a normal fucking thing to do for your partner that I just do it on autopilot. To me it feels really strange to not even offer. At the risk of sounding rude: It really makes me question how happy some of these relationships must be, when the people in them bristle at every single request someone ever makes of their partner.
ESH. You should wonder if you want to have to come to a peace accord to be kind to one another and if this kind of squabble is what you want out of life.
What do you two see eye to eye on? You’re minimizing and he’s enlarging.
Also, what kind of kettle boils in 2 seconds?
If it only takes “2 seconds” you could have done it. No one who has come home from work and just sat down wants to get right back up. Then there’s that thing about trying to be less needy. That was needy. Him doing things around the house without being told is one thing,making you tea without being asked is clairvoyant territory.
NTA. I don’t understand. They worked 5 hours. It takes 15 min to make tea. Tops. What am I missing that ppl are calling you the AH for wanting your partner to help you when you feel sick?
If you’re not that sick it shouldn’t be a big deal to make your own tea.
NTA, that was shitty of them. I have a chronic illness and my husband brings me coffee in bed on my bad days. If they wanted to they would.
Also, being sick isn’t being “needy”.
Yeah, he’s not required to, and maybe if you expect it or ask for it all the time he feels like a servant? But also…I dunno man this is just shit you do for people you love? You offer to take care of them.