Hello
I need an outsiders perspective on this. I try to be understanding, but I am fuming. I think someone who is not living in this apartment would have a more neutral view on this.
The situation: We live in a 3 bedroom apartment with 3 parties. We are all students and pay equal amounts of rent. I am Winston, and the other two are Josh and Sara. Josh spends half his week and most weekends and his girlfriends place. He mostly out of the picture. That just leaves Sara and myself.
For me I see this is a living arrangement, because it is. I am friendly with everyone but I keep some distance. I usually spend my days in the library, lectures or at home gaming. Door usually open unless I play with friends or have my gf over.
So yesterday Sara approached me with a request. But it felt more like a demand. Her brothers are coming to visit. And since her family does not know she is living with two guys (She is coming from a Muslim family who might see this as a big deal), she wants to keep it a secret. She is asking me to leave the apartment next weekend and move all my toiletries into my room.
The problem for my side are simple: I do not have a place to go. I am not asking my gf to spend the weekend at her place. She is visiting her family this week and won’t be back until next week. We are not at the stage of the relationship where this is something reasonable to ask. If the roles were reversed, I would probably say yes but feel very awkward about this. So… I told Sara that. Where am I supposed to stay? Sleep in the library? She kinda dismissively turned around and told me "That is your problem to solve". That attitude right there pissed me off beyond words.
I am in a pickle. On one hand I am livid. I want to tell her to mind her own business and just deal with the fact that she has male roommates. But Josh – who is closer with Sara and agreed already to spend the time away, reminded me to have an open mind about her situation.
I do not feel like spending 150-200 Euros – money that I do not have – on a hotel when I am paying rent. But Sara already told me that she expects me to solve it by myself. She won’t pay for a hotel. Which leads me to the question… WIBTA if I tell Sara to just suck it?
On a different note, with this happening I am already starting to look for a new apartment. This is not the first unreasonable request, but the previous ones where tiny in comparison. Like asking me to please store my toothbrush in my room because she does not like neon-yellow as a colour. Gives her a headache every morning. Ended up buying a new brush early.
Update1:
Thank you for the replies and some DMs I have recieved. I have decided on a plan of action. I will tell her no. I will tell her that I do not have the money to pay for a hotel, that I do not have a place I can simply crash on. I will also have Josh sit in. I have posted a message in the group chat effectively calling for a meeting tonight.
I will explain my situation calmly and why I do not intend to leave on my own dime. That I am happy to play a role in the family visit. To actively show that I have no personal ties with Sara by minding my own business. I like the petty ideas but I am not the type of person to pour gas onto the fire.
Further more, I have put out feelers to look for a new apartment with some friends from university. One friend is looking to move out from his parents place and we get along fine gaming. I think this is the point at which the drama is getting too expensive on my mind. So a clean cut is the best option.
YWNBTA it is not your problem to solve, it is Sara’s. My response to her would start with today’s letter, which is the letter F!
NTA
Sara pays for a nice hotel if you would agree to that, otherwise absolutely not. This sounds like a her problem.
NTA. She knew this would be a huge cultural issue with her family. Rather than factor that in and have all female roommates, she deliberately chose to room with two guys. Not only are you not wrong, but the inane desire to expect you to pay for the privilege. Were I in her shoes, I’d pay for the hotel and offer a nice dinner for the inconvenience.
NTA. You pay equal rent, your roommates are not allowed to make you leave for any amount of time. Ask Sara if she’ll pay for your hotel! That matches her entitlement just fine.
I did ask her. She said flat out no. Looking a bit annoying and offended by the suggestion
You can let her know her choices: compensate for your trouble by getting hotel & food, or deal with any family fallout if they see you living in your apartment. Entitled people like this only get worse if you give in to their demands.
Nope..nta. if she had offered to pay for a hotel, or if she even aknowledged that this is a big favor to ask and was nice? Then maybe. But even then it is a big ask and she is acting entitled. And really? The color yellow gives her headaches?
NTA at all. It’s your home and her problem. If she needs you to leave, she should pay for a hotel room for you, plain and simple. I was staying with a buddy in a studio apartment for a few months when I first moved to the city I’m in and he had a similar request of me, but for a girl to come into town. When he asked he LED with “If I put you up in a decent hotel and buy you beer and dinner can you disappear for 2 days?” of course I agreed to it. He asked me in a reasonable way, and offered to compensate me for it.
It would have been fine for her to ask had she offered a solution or to at least help you find one. When she said “it’s your problem”, I would have responded with “You’re the one who lied to your parents, so it’s your problem not mine.” And then said you’d be willing to do it, but not at your expense since you already pay for a place to live. As it stands her request is ridiculous and her attitude towards you is doubly so. And the toothbrush thing is even worse. I’d keep it in my room out of fear she stuck it somewhere it didn’t belong.
Again, hard NTA.
NTA. It’s actually Sara’s problem to solve. She’s the one who created it by lying to her family.
Correct. Sara needs to cough up the cash if she wants OP out of there. NTAH.
NTA. I would’ve tried to be understanding but the second she told you it was your problem to solve, when it in fact is not YOUR problem, all niceties would be out the window.
I get that her situation is not…great, but it’s HER situation. I will say if I was Muslim, no matter how lenient of Muslim, I would absolutely not b living with 2 men who were not my family or husband. Absolutely not. And if I was not a practicing Muslim but my family was (and I lived with 2 unrelated me) there is no way in hell I would allow them to visit.
In this scenario I think it would be better for her to go to a girl friends place for the weekend and play it off as if she lives there. What do you think would happen if 1 of her brothers accidentally walks in your room? Is she gonna say that’s her female roommates room? What about your male’s roommates room? This is not good
NTA for not leaving. She made the decision to move in with two guys so it’s actually her “problem to solve” when her family comes around. She sounds like a nightmare. She could’ve at least offered to put you up in a hotel but the way she went about it is giving entitled. You pay rent for that space so you’re entitled to it just as much as she is.
I’ve read this before but it was the Muslim mother visiting that didn’t know she was living with a male…
NTA.
“Actually it’s not my problem to solve because I have no problem. I pay to live in this apartment so that’s what I’ll be doing. If you want me to do the favour of giving you space this weekend you can ask me nicely pay to put me up at a nice hotel because why would I inconvenience myself and pay to do it? Otherwise I’ll be going in and out of the room I pay for as and when I please.”