I’m 32F, my boyfriend is 34M, and we’ve been together just over a year. This has turned into a way bigger argument than it should be, and I’m honestly annoyed at this point.
I own my car outright. It’s not luxury or anything, but it’s reliable and I need it. My boyfriend’s car broke down months ago and he still hasn’t fixed it, so I’ve been letting him borrow mine when I don’t need it. I didn’t love doing this, but I was trying to be supportive.
A couple weeks ago he borrowed my car to go see a friend about an hour away. When he brought it back, he didn’t say *anything* about there being an issue. Later that night when I was unloading groceries, I noticed a long scratch on the side door. The next morning the tire pressure light came on.
When I asked him about it, he said he “didn’t notice” the scratch and assumed the tire light was nothing. That already irritated me, because it felt careless and dismissive. Then he said “it’s just cosmetic,” which honestly made me see red. It’s easy to say that when it’s not your car and you’re not paying for it.
Turns out one of the tires had a nail in it and the scratch wasn’t cheap to fix. He eventually apologized, but also said he can’t afford to help pay for any of it right now.
After that, I told him I’m not comfortable lending him my car anymore unless it’s an actual emergency. I wasn’t yelling, but I was very clear. He immediately accused me of punishing him and being controlling. He also pulled the whole “couples are supposed to help each other” line, which felt manipulative considering I *have* been helping him for months.
Now he’s acting distant and keeps making passive comments about how inconvenient it is not having a car and how I “clearly don’t trust him.” Some friends are saying I’m being too harsh because it was an accident and he didn’t wreck the car.
At this point I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m expected to just eat the cost and keep handing over my car like nothing happened. I don’t think that’s reasonable, but the way everyone’s reacting is making me question myself.
AITA for refusing to let him borrow my car anymore?
NTA for how you feel and your reaction considering the car clearly made contact with something, and he CHOSE to keep it from you.
Every day, I come onto reddit and am bewildered by couples who clearly should not be together and people who clearly should never be with another person.
BRO DUMP HIM
Sounds like a no account deadbeat
NTA. His attitude toward the damage is, imo, worse than the actual damage.
NTA, I am wondering why you’re with him.
gosh after reading these kind responses, I am wondering this too! I need a new circle.
This is so many 🚩!! End it now.
Don’t let him borrow your car anymore. He has friends who think you should lend him your car. Have him borrow theirs instead. That will solve the problem or shut them up. Also, if you don’t trust his driving, you will be responsible for increased insurance if your car is in an accident.
He’s right, couples are supposed to help each other. So he should be helping you with the scratch and the tire!
He’s saying you don’t trust him? You’re right not to!
He is ungrateful and inconsiderate.
NTA
NTA. Don’t let him use your car. If he gets in an accident with it, you are liable. He has shown you that he is too careless to be trusted with it. You aren’t married. You don’t owe him transportation. His car broke down months ago, and he hasn’t managed to get it fixed yet. Tell him he can’t use your car. He can use uber or get his fixed. If he breaks up with you over that, good. Better yet, unload him.
Sing it now.
*I don’t want no scrub, A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me*
NTA.
*Wanna get with me with no money. Oh no, I don’t want no, no scrub*
Girl.. run… its not about a car- its about he is expecting recieving for not giving.
You are not long enough for this behaviour – eg 40+years where he suffers from dementia…
Does he have a magic penis or something? There must be some reason you let him treat you like this.
NTA
Why are you with a guy who chooses to mooch off you instead of repairing or replacing his own vehicle?
I’m so tired of reading these posts from people who let their SO take advantage. You deserve better. This guy isn’t capable of being a good partner to you.
“He accused me of punishing him.” He is experiencing the consequences of his actions. If he calls that “punishment,” that’s a him problem.
“How inconvenient it is not having a car.” He’s right! It *is* inconvenient. He can get rid of the inconvenience by…fixing his own car!
He says “I clearly don’t trust him.” Funny how that works. You generously let him use your car. He returns it damaged, claiming that it’s not so bad and that he “assumed the tire light was nothing.” When he came home, he even bother to say something like, “Hey, your tire light came on. Let’s go check it out.” He’s been borrowing it long enough that he knows this isn’t just something that randomly happens, and it corrects itself within a few starts of the engine.
Being upfront about something like this would make him trustworthy. Instead, he kept quiet and hoped you wouldn’t notice. That makes him untrustworthy.
DTMFA