I (18f) only just got my Learners license today, two years after I originally registered and payed for the prepl course. I did all that was required within the course, and then passed my learners test first try and told my parents(I live with my dad (48m), my mum (41f) doesn’t have room to house both myself, my boyfriend and my brother) I texted them both, and they were happy for me, they both sent money so I could order and pay for my license to be sent to my house.( I am currently job hunting as someone who has never been able to get a job, hence the receiving money)
My dad come homes a couple hours later and I’ve just started cleaning the lounge to vacuum and he asked me what license I’m going for. I say my automatic license, and then he just goes off, calling my lazy and pathetic and belittling me in every possible way, stating how he’s let me off with being lazy all my life and how ill never be able to get a job with an auto license because some places require a manual license. The reason I don’t want to drive and get a manual license is because of the following:
1. I am medically diagnosed with anxiety, the thought of driving manual makes me sick especially considering paying attention to the road as well as having both hands and both feet doing 4 different things at once is just something I do not feel comfortable doing.
2. I am intending on enrolling in an online tattoo course, which would then allow/assist me in creating my own tattoo business. Last I checked you don’t need a manual license to tattoo someone.
3. The thought of driving an automatic puts me at ease, I don’t have to worry about shifting gears while paying attention to everything. It makes me more comfortable.
I know I can’t just pick and choose what I want just to be comfortable for the rest of my life, that’s quite clear in today’s society, but if I really wanted I can always go and get my manual license late on down the road.
And now he is talking to me like he didn’t just call me names and make me feel useless for a solid ten minutes. Surely my license means my license not my dad’s license.
AITA?
Edit: also to put into perspective of the type of man my father is, he, a Caucasian man with not a single ounce of indigenous blood in him constantly uses the N-word, around his mixed children (myself and my brother(13m)) and indigenous ex (my mother), to some point idolises Charlie Kirk as an Australian, listens to this rapper Tom MacDonald who made a song idolising Charlie Kirk, and won’t even let me eat store bought salmon shipped from Tasmania. He thinks everything, and I mean everything is evil and said id be better off using rocks and crystals to bathe with.
Not sure if this context helps but idk it felt worth the mention.
Edit 2: I also already know how to drive manual, he taught me when I was ten ( we lived on a property) I just spent so long not driving that I’ve lost interest/ it makes me nervous. I still occasionally drive his Ute at his work place and when we go camping, but I genuinly just don’t like it and I’m constantly worried about messing up and then smth wrong happens. I know I can just practise but I’d rather not have to deal with the stress while surround by other and I don’t want to out other at risk on the road.
I have many friends who started learning in manual cars and when it came time to get their Ps they opted for the auto test because of their anxiety. I think you choosing to go for your automatic licence because it makes you feel more comfortable is a perfectly fine decision to make. Plus you are 18 years old. You are a young adult and can make that decision for yourself. Some parents just dont understand how you feel.
I’d say dont stress to much about it and good luck on your test I’m sure you’ll do very well.
NTA.
Your dad is abusive. There’s nothing wrong with an automatic, you’re not lazy for getting the options that the majority drives. You’re also not looking into jobs that require driving and I don’t understand why he would assume that’s a possible career route for you. And if it is in the future, you can just get a manual license.
Genuinely curious. Where do you live that there’s a separate license for automatic vs manual transmission? I’m in the US. I’ve never heard of this.
In the UK i believe this in a thing. also the fact that she used ‘mum’ instead of ‘mom’ shows this is probably the case too.
it is but you can’t choose what license you get, it depends what you passed your test in. If you passed in a manual then you simply get a manual license. This post is weird because if op did their test in a manual then just get a manual license and only buy automatic cars. If this is somewhere you can pass in an auto and get a manual license then you can’t competently drive a manual car anyway.
In the UK. If you have a manual license, you can drive a manual AND an automatic. If you have an automatic license, you can ONLY drive an automatic.
It’s also a thing in Australia (at least was back when I first got mine). Same as the below UK comments. If you hold a manual license you can drive an auto but not the other way around.
It is basically the type of car you did the test on. I believe there are a few more things on the manual car checklist.
UK. If you pass in a manual car you can drive either. If you pass in an automatic you can only drive automatic/semi automatic cars.
When I passed decades ago cars were mostly manual as standard and I’d see the fathers point as valid back then. These days that’s flipped and automatic is generally standard and I think the father is overreacting.
NTA…. Your priority is being a safe, confident driver, and learning in an automatic is a practical way to manage your anxiety while gaining independence. You aren’t being lazy you’re making a logical choice for your mental health and career path, and you can always learn manual later if you ever actually need to.
Not sure about AH behaviour here, other than dad of course.
But for context, having a manual license doesnt mean you *have* to drive a manual car. But having a automatic *does* mean you have to drive automatic.
So it is would be worth having. However, in your specific circumstance, I can see that would not be the case. So you do you, and enjoy it! The freedom is so good.
NTA. Part of growing up is making your own choices and making your own mistakes (not that this is a mistake in my opinion).
Your reasons are your own. And like you said. You can always get manual down the road if necessary, with the added benefit of already being comfortable driving and with the rules of the road. The majority of modern cars are hybrid or electric and thus automatic anyway.
I’m not sure what to tell you. Your dad belittling you is not right. I wouldn’t argue with him on the validity of your reasons. If anything I would confront him with how he makes you feel. “I’m growing up, I need to start making my own choices, it’s fine if you don’t agree with them, but I need you to let me make them and respect them without making me feel like shit.”
I got diagnosed with anxiety as well and driving an automatic is overall just the right move for me. I think that driving a certain car should not determine whether you are lazy or not. Driving is driving. Either license is going to take you from one place to another. It just sounds to me like your dad wants you to do something interesting or something new. But he should have never called you any of those names! You didn’t deserve it.
NTA for getting whatever license you want BUT tattooing someone’s skin is way more anxiety producing than driving. You’re going to make permanent marks on another person that they will have to live with for the rest of their life. You may want to get some help with anxiety or pick a profession with less pressure, because you will deal with a lot of shitty customers and you’re going to have to be tough to manage them.
That very much depends from person to person