So, I have a friend, Sarah (28F), and we’ve been close for years. Lately, though I’m getting really fed up with her. We’ve made plans to hang out a bunch of times in the last few months, dinners, concerts, just casual stuff, but she keeps canceling last minute. At first, I thought she was just busy or had personal stuff going on, but this has happened way too many times now. The final straw was last week. I bought tickets to a concert $50 each and reminded Sarah that day. She said she was excited. Then, right before we were supposed to meet up, I get a text saying she’s too tired to go. No warning, no explanation. Just I’m not coming. I was really pissed. So, I texted her saying I was done with her flaking on me and that I wasn’t going to keep making plans if she wasn’t going to follow through. Now she’s mad at me and saying I’m overreacting. Some mutual friends think I should’ve just let it go and been more understanding. But honestly, I feel like I’ve been patient for months and I’m just setting a boundary.
AITA?
NTA. If you are the one putting in all the work then it’s a one way friendship and not worth maintaining. Just step back and wait for her to initiate something, either she steps up and acts like a real friend or the trash takes itself out.
NTA. So entitled of her to think you would want to keep making plans just for her to flake. Friends like her are soooo frustrating. Obviously she owes you the $50 for the ticket. You are totally justified in pulling back from this friendship.
I totally agree, it’s so frustrating to feel like I’m just a backup option. I’m definitely not holding my breath for the $50, but I do think she should’ve respected the plans more. It’s time to set a boundary and see if she values the friendship enough to change.
NTA but why do you allow yourself to be her doormat? She’s getting away with treating you like crap because you allow it.
NTA, but it sounds like depression on her part.
NTA, but before you dump maybe let her make plans then cancel them..
NTA but if you’ve been friends for years and this is new behavior, talk to her. Tell her you’re worried about her, because this isn’t like her, and ask what’s wrong. She may be depressed or struggling in some other way.
Go back through your messages and make a list of her cancellations.
If she insists that you’re overreacting, give her the list and say, “Look, here’s how often you’ve blown me off in the last \[X\] months. I’ve made reservations, I’ve done the planning, I’ve even bought concert tickets…given all of that, why do you think I’m overreacting?”
NTA.
I’d let it go as your friends suggest. I’d let the entire relationship go, I’d let go of making plans with her and I’d let go of talking to her. If she wants a friendship with you, it’s on her to put in some effort. I would not lift a finger to do anything with her until then. She may be your best friend but it sounds like you aren’t her best friend, or even a close friend. For her, you’re someone convenient to hang with if nothing else is going on.