My (21M) name is Andy, i don’t know if this post is a good idea for me but i’m at a point where i don’t know what to do anymore
After i finished highschool i had to move in the city where my university is, in the said city me and my brother own 50/50 an apartment (it’s a long story how we got into the possesion of it), by the time i moved in, my brother Gabe was still in highschool (he s two years younger), at the time of moving in i was already in a relationship with a girl (let’s call her Meg )for a few months so i decided to ask her to stay with me since we were living in the same city and she wouldn’t have to live with her grandma anymore, at that time i wasn’t thinking in the future and i accept that’s my mistake, i haven’t considered asking my brother if he was ok with her moving in, i guess i didn’t think that far.
Any way fast forward two years later he moves in with us for a job he had (he decided not going to collage for a year), in that year the 3 of us lived quite fine apart from some small arguments, my brother Gabe had a girlfriend of a few months after moving in with us and because of some arguments in her family (let’s call her Ana) she ran away from home (she was still in highschool at the time ), my brother asked if we were ok with her living with us for a while, and we were ok with that
The 4 of us lived togheter for nearly 2 months, those were the most stressful months of my life, tensions grew between us, Ana wasn’t helping with any chores, no cooking, no cleaning, but me and Meg tried to keep it cool (mostly me), my brtoher ended up cooking for her after his shifts while Ana would skip classes and sitting in her room most of the day and this went on for as i said nearly 2 months when my brother decided he can’t handle everything on his own because he was cooking cleaning and tried to keep her going to school, Gabe decided to move back home and told Ana she should do the same, then they have a fight and they brake up.
Me and Meg continued to lived in the apartment for the next coming months, then my Gabe get’s in the same university i am in, so he has to move back in with us. When he moved back we had an agreement to not bring her ex back to live with us as he started talking with her again, both parties agreed to have her come over as a friend that’s visiting and that’s all.
As time went on tensions grew back between us, Gabe insists his girlfriend needs to stay over the night because of many different reasons (this happend a lot ) we kept it cool and said it was ok, then one time Gabe asks if she can stay for about 4 days because she had some classes to take after school and Ana ended up staying for almost more than a week before leaving
And now Gabe brings Ana unannounced to stay the night, i had many arguments with him on this topic, he says i never asked him if he was ok with Meg moving in and that he owns half the place, i love both Gabe and Meg i just wish there was a way to solve this
NTA You have a legit reason for why you dont want it. She doesnt help or contribute to household and i understand your girlfriend does. If she wants to come back, she needs to follow the rules since she wont be a guest anymore.
ESH. His behaviour is not ok, but he’s right about owning half the place
YTA- shared ownership, rules apply equally. You two have a vote and not your gf.
You are not for not wanting to live with his girlfriend after the stress from the last living situation, however you are for moving Meg in without consulting your brother at the time. It’s a bit of ESH because Gabe is now using the fact that you never cleared Meg with him, but he’s had all this time to bring that up before now. You are for moving Meg in without talking to him first. He’s at least checked in about having Ana over.
If she’s making messes and causing drama, then you need to have Gabe take care of it. Set some expectations that you and he both agree on. Meg has no say because it’s not her apartment, so don’t gang up on him with her. Try to buy him out if you can.
YTA you chose to set the precedent that you can move your partner in without asking your co owner. Your brother is just doing the same.
Hypocrisy at its finest! Didn’t ask your brother about moving your gf in, moans when he does the same. It’s either your gf leaves and it’s just the two brothers living there, or he can bring round whoever he wants 🤷♀️
ESH – You don’t get to tell him not to move his gf in when you moved yours in without asking. That said, if Ana’s not pulling her weight and/or is a bad roommate, then he should take ownership of that and remedy the source of tension being created.
You two need to hash out a cohabitation agreement that clearly defines expectations and obligations for all parties living there, and it needs to be a legal and binding contract so that there is recourse when breaches occur.
You’re co-owners.
Neither of you gets to tell the other what to do where roommates are concerned, and your girlfriends don’t have a vote.
ESH – you’re both adults, and the two of you should be able to sit down *without the girlfriends* and say, “OK, how are we going to handle this with 4 people in the apartment? Do we agree that all 4 of us should contribute to the household? OK, then, who’s going to contribute what?” At the very least, all 4 of you should be contributing to household expenses and utilities and/or helping with maintenance/cleaning stuff.
You should buy your brother’s share out.
Then he can rent elsewhere.
ESH
You unfortunately set a precedent by moving your own girlfriend in with asking. However, if Meg is actually contributing to the household (either financially or labour-wise) then you might be able to set some ground rules for Ana like “anyone living here must…(pay $x towards utilities, do this chore etc)”. That might put a stop to your brother’s ~~freeloader~~ girlfriend moving in if she’s actually expected to do something.