So I’m getting married in October and am beyond excited. I am having one small issue with my mother. My parents are divorced and my dad comes from a family of 5 kids (big family) which has given me a large extended family. My mom has a small family. She is one of two and she and her brother do not talk anymore. Her mom, my grandma, whom I was very close with is too sick to attend and her dad, my grandpa, has passed.
Now to the situation. My mother has been trying to invite some of her friends who I do not like. Her friends are not my friends and I don’t really care to have them at my wedding. I’ve tried to calmly say they’re not my family and I do not care for them to come and she has answered back “but John’s family is coming” (my dad) and I have to answer “no, not johns family, my family” and the response has not been kind. She feels as though it’s unfair my dad has a support system at the wedding and she does not. I somewhat understand but they are not only his support system, they are my aunts, uncles, and first cousins, approx 20 in total.
Our wedding is small, it’s 80 people and we have kept our list to just blood relatives and close personal friends. We are trying to keep our wedding small and intimate while not breaking the bank budget wise. The kitchen at the venue can also only host 90 people so we’ve been trying to keep under that number comfortably.
Back to my mother. I’m trying to stand my ground and tell her I do not want these people in attendance. I’ve even responded with “if I have a relationship with that people, I’m happy to consider” but the people she wants to bring, I’ve not met or haven’t seen since being young.
We had a phone call tonight and she has kept pushing me and I finally said plain and simple, I do not want these people here. Her response has been a lot. Things like “Absolutely ridiculous for you you to fight me on this…” “Im not your doormat” and “I’m not going to stand for this”
I’m at the point now where I’ve had enough. Do I just cave in and let her friends come or do I double down on how I feel and keep saying no. Am I the asshole.
I think it’s reasonable to give your mom a +1, if you haven’t already. Past that, she can pound sand. NTA.
INFO: does she get a plus one at all?
She has one family friend whom I have a good relationship and have invited. She is wanting to invite 4-5 additional friends
But does she get a plus one? She should.
Does she get a plus one? I think one ‘support person’ or +1 is reasonable. Any more no.
NTA. However, since your mom is single and won’t have any family in attendance, it would be lovely to allow her a plus 1. Or be sure to have some get togethers with her and fiancé’s family starting now so they can become friends. Your mom is also probably concerned that she’ll be seated with a table full of strangers, while your dad has a table filled with family and your fiancé’s parents get a table full of family too. Sounds like she is trying to fill her table with chosen family so she doesn’t feel like she stands out as a lonely unwanted old woman. Try to solve that problem.
NTA. Why on earth would she need a “support system” at a wedding? It’s a party, not a funeral. And the audacity to say she’s “not going to stand for this” when *she’s* the one starting a fight? Wild.
I’d compromise and give her a single plus one just because attending a wedding alone is tough. If that’s not enough for her, then she can stay home.
I kind of think NAH. Does she have a plus 1? Does she have any friends that you know? I think going to her daughter’s wedding alone really would suck, 1 or 2 people she could invite would be kind if you can accommodate
You have a DNA plus one rule.
Respectfully, find a compromise. Tell her she can have one plus one but the catering/venue can’t handle more than that. Let go of wanting to control who the plus one is and just let her pick. NTA but I get where your mom is coming from . . . You’re going to be busy with your husband she needs a friend or two at dinner/dancing. I’d also feel lonely if my ex husband’s entire extended family was there and I was alone at my own table.
Info: did you give your mom a plus one?
Let her bring one. This will make you NTA.
If you don’t let her bring anyone, forcing her to be solo at an event where the family of your father (her EX husband) who may have hard feelings, potentially hatred against her, will be present as one fourth of the whole guest list…then YWBTA.
NTA. You have given your mother a plus 1. At this point if she is still insisting state well you don’t have to come and then you have no need for your emotional support people. If you can not come to your daughter’s wedding and forget about yourself for one day then do not come. I do not want drama on this day and these people you call his family is also my family.