So I(16NB) am in a group of four friends. I’ll just make up some names. Stacey(15F), Tracey(16F) and Lacey(15F). We’ve been friends for forever, since late elementary school, and it’s been great! Until now, of course. Recently, though, I’ve noticed that Stacey seems to favor Lacey, and maybe even wants to cut Tracey and I out.
Then, (about three weeks ago) Stacey’s grandfather died. They were really close. She started treating all of us horribly, blaming it on "grief and sadness" in her words. I brought it up to her during our free period, and she snapped at me. She started screaming about how cruel I am, and making a scene. I told her "Just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you can be a bitch to everyone else!"
I will say, I could have worded that better, but it was in the heat of an argument, and I hadn’t thought it through. The next day, I find out from one of our mutual friends Stacey’s been talking shit about me and Tracey, saying I’d said "Your grandfather isn’t a big deal anyways. Get over it!" I would \*never\* say that.
So anyways, that was last Friday, and I thought it over through over everything over the weekend, and decided to tell Tracey about it. I told her she should probably leave the friend group, since I got the sense Stacey hated her and I, or something. She agreed, and didn’t like Stacey either, but she didn’t want to cause drama, so she didn’t.
An hour ago I got a text from Stacey saying I was an asshole for ‘making Tracey hate her’ and now I don’t know what to do.
So reddit, was I the asshole for telling my best friend to leave our friend group?
Eh… grief is a mix of things. I remember I was really pissy after my friend died and just really irritable. BUT twisting your words wasn’t very nice of her. I would say you should’ve worded things better. But I think it might be good to ask her if she wants to talk or if she’s okay, and if she gets really mad at you maybe distance yourself. Maybe have Tracey do the same. You were just looking out for yourself and Tracey. Overall, you’re neutral-ish.
No I don’t believe you are. You are all young, I’m 24 now and have been through a very similar situation when I was your age and me and my friend were besties again the next couple of days. Don’t beat yourself up you’re only 16, your friends obviously going through something awful but at the end of the day you are all so young, i’m not trying be condescending to you btw about your age! My brothers the same age as you and i’d tell him the same. But don’t beat yourself up, maybe when the situations calmed down apologise to your friend or if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, just try and build the relationship up back up slowly.
INFO – are you leaving the friend group as well? Since you state in your post that you think that Stacey hates BOTH a of you. Whether or not your an AH, at least in my opinion, will depend on if you’ve basically convinced Tracey to isolate herself from the group but you’ll continue being friends with them.