Essentially, my folks got me two pairs of jeans as a christmas gift. I really liked them, but they were too big, so I tried to trade them in. The store said I could return, no trade ins, with the money going back to their card. I genuinely needed new pants, so I bought two more out of my own pocket, even if it leaves me in a slight hole at the moment.
I can’t help but feel like it’s not unfair for me to ask for the money they got back from me returning. Doesn’t feel it’s the fairest that just because they happened to get me a gift that was the wrong size, I end up having to pay for the new pants and they get to keep the money.
Anyways, would I be wrong to do this here, or in the future in a similar situation? On one hand, I ended up spending money on something I needed anyways, but on the other hand, if they spent the money on the pants for me, and I spent that money on pants, isn’t it fair for me to not have to pay for them, in the spirit of the gift? Idk, I’m curious how this works etiquette-wise, because isn’t even the only time something like this happened this year.
INFO: did you tell them you needed to exchange/return them before you went to do it?
Yes, I told them I was going to try and exchange it and couldn’t, and best I could do was just get a refund
YWNBTA, perfectly reasonable request as long as you’re nice about it. Maybe message them something like “Hey, just wondering if you had a gift receipt for the jeans you bought me? I really like them but they’re the wrong size and I would love to exchange them!”
Or just show them this post lol
So I did that, and tried to exchange them with the receipt but the company doesn’t allow it for online orders, so the only option was to return them and buy separately with my own money, pending receiving the money they got in the refund
Did you think of asking them to exchange them for you?
We don’t live in the same city. But the reason I couldn’t exchange it was because it was the store policy for online orders, nothing to do with who bought it. They just apparently don’t allow for exchanges of any kind
No harm asking them for the refund.
Of course it’s ok to ask about the refund. Why wouldn’t it be – do your parents have a history of being weird about money?
I would have sent an excited message along the lines of “yay, look at the lovely new jeans I’ve found for your Christmas present (thank you so much for that, by the way) – the refund should be on your card tomorrow, please can you send back so I can buy them while they’re still in stock”
They don’t have a history of being weird about money per se. But, broadly they’re bad about communicating, and my mom is pretty manipulative as it pertains to me or my brother asking them for things like this. It wouldn’t surprise me if she took this in the direction of “you just use us for money, you’re never home, etc” regardless of if it has any logic or not. So broadly, the less I ask them for, and the less things I ask them to do, the better
So the question in your post isn’t really the relevant one here.
You’re don’t really need to know if you would be the AH, you need to know if there’s a way to get a manipulative mother to return the card-only refund.
Like I said, I’d go with the “excited & pleased, 110% just assuming this is the obvious approach”.
Probably as publicly as possible, if she’s swayed by “how things look” to outsiders. ie send the “oooh I’m so grateful for my present” on a family group chat, or enrol a family friend or aunt (“I showed the pic to auntie X and she thinks I’m so lucky to get such a great present from you guys”).
You know her best – what mostly motivates her to do “unselfish” things?
Why didn’t they just turn around and buy the pans that would fit you
NTA they should give you the money it’d your money.
YWNBTA. Just explain the situation and say it’s not that you prefer the money but that you bought the correct size.