The Concert was two months ago. I(28F) went there together with my older sister (32), her partner (43) and my partner (28).
I was the Driver. Forgot to get the car keys from my brother in law. My sister drank heavily. Her partner was slightly drunk too. Security escorted her out and her partner was with her. I didn’t realize that she was actually not with her partner outside.
Only when she called me later. She was clearly upset and alone. I went outside to check on her. Then I tried to find her partner. When i went outside again, with my partner , she was gone too. I searched everywhere. I Couldnt find them. When she answered the phone, only to call me names and was very rude to me, not telling me anything about her where she was.
She called a friend, that picked her and her partner up. I was left alone with my partner in a big city.
My sister felt abandoned and i understand her feelings. I regret the whole evening, especially not following her right away. But she put all the responsibility on me. She didnt seem to care that I had to choose between her and my partner.
The whole situation only happened because of the amount of alcohol they had consumed.
We talk and moved on. But soemtimes I still sense her uneasiness from her part and i dont know what to do.
Am I overthinking this to much?
NTA. its not your fault that your sister and her partner got drunk and caused a scene. you were responsible enough to be the designated driver and tried to find them when they went missing. It’s not fair for your sister to put all the blame on you.
Info: So while it’s never intelligent to drink so much, that security has to escort you out, I think there’s a little bit of a information missing from this story. Did you guys discuss you being the driver before the concert? Did you have a plan outlined? And why did you two separate from her and her partner?
Jeah we discussed me being the driver beforehand. My brother-in-law was the driver to the concert. I was only supposed to drive us home afterwards. That’s why he had the keys. I forgot to take them from him. That was stupid.
The plan was to enjoy the concert. I didnt know they would get so drunk.
We were separated because my sister was escorted out by security. Her partner followed her. My partner said that everything would be fine and that I shouldn’t leave. They told me to enjoy the concert, and I listened to them.
Okay in that case. Yta, your sister put her faith and trust in you to drive her home safely and you agree to that beforehand. The fact that you listened to your partner was extremely selfish on both you and your partners behalf. If you agree to be the designated driver then that is a responsibility you need to take seriously. You’re lucky. Nothing bad happened to your sister, if I was you and something bad happened to my sibling after I agreed to be the designated driver and didn’t do so I would never forgive myself.
You owe her an apology and honestly, so does your partner for encouraging you to ditch her. In the future. Don’t offer to be the designated driver, unless you’re willing to take that 100% seriously.
OP didn’t ditch her sister, the sister was escorted out. All she did was not follow the sister, that’s not the same thing. When it was time to go she looked for the sister, but sister had already left, so technically sister ditched OP.
Sister being irresponsible and drinking to the point of being escorted out is on her. Sister’s partner went with, so it’s not like she was alone and unsafe. Why should OP not get to enjoy the concert due to sister’s poor choices?
I feel this is very important information that is needed in the original post.
I would say ESH, the sister for getting to that point. But also you and your partner for what was mentioned here.
NTA – your sister is an adult and chose to act in a way that got her kicked out. Which is fairly hard to do, she must have been very drunk for security to remove her.
And her partner – the adult she has chosen to live her life with – followed her out.
Why would she need 3 people to miss the concert they’d paid for & looked forward to, because she overdid her alcohol use.
Where did BIL end up, if he followed her out?
Why aren’t you more upset that they ditched you two, who were behaving reasonably, and left you abandoned with no (planned) way home.
NTA and it’s wild that you’re taking any responsibility. Everyone was an adult. As an adult, we are responsible for ourselves, our choices, and our behavior. She wasn’t abandoned. She chose to get drunk. The consequence is that she was escorted out. Oh well. Now her choices are: get an uber or wait until the concert is out. It’s okay for her to experience natural consequences.
NTA Your only responsibility was to not drink so you can drive them home safely.
You’re not your adult older sister’s babysitter. You have no responsibility over her stupid behaviour.
If anything, she should apologise to you for leaving you stranded when you had agreed to leave together in their car.