I (28M) have a friend (29M) I’ve known since college. Last weekend we were out with a group, and he made a “joke” about something personal I trusted him with. Everyone laughed, and I was humiliated.
I told him later that it really hurt me. He said I was being “too sensitive” and that it was “just a joke.”
Fast forward to now: he’s moving and asked me to help him for an entire weekend. I told him no and explained why. Now he’s telling mutual friends I’m being petty and immature.
Some friends agree with me, others say I should “be the bigger person.”
AITA?
You can be the bigger person by not diminishing yourself, and this means sticking with your refusal to help this person who you thought was a friend.
His reaction to your refusal speaks volumes.
NTA.
NTA
It’s one thing that he joked about your personal biz. That could have been an error in judgment.
But you outright told him how it made you feel.
And he dismissed you.
That’s twice he’s treated you like a putz.
But now he wants a favor, and says YOU are immature???
No. You communicated like an adult. He’s the jokester who thinks it’s his world and you’re just living in it.
I applaud you for how you have handled this.
Nope. No need to be the “bigger person” here. Actions have consequences. Friends don’t humiliated each other and then ask them to be free labour. That’s not a healthy friendship.
Loose lips sink ‘ships.
NTA, maybe he’ll learn to STFU if he wants free manual labor.
Nta
You spoke up about smth reasonable.
He dismissed you.
Now you don’t feel like being their friend.
You speak up.
They are understanding.
They change their behaviour.
Now you might want to be their friend.
Your friends think you should be the bigger person. That means they’d rather keep peace than hold someone responsible for wrong behaviour. It’s not the kind of circle I’d like to be in.
NTA, the fact you told him how much this hurt you and he didn’t even apologise tells you he’s not a good friend, he doesn’t deserve your help.
NTA. When somebody says “just a joke,” they’re usually punching below the belt. So he humiliated you, and when you expressed resentment, he tried to reverse things and make it your problem. Then he started trying to turn mutual friends against you. This guy is no friend of yours. I’d ghost him and not look back.
NTA.
And for future reference, when someone says “you’re too sensitive”, the correct reply is “maybe but you’re too INsensitive”. Also, ask for them to explain what was funny about the joke. “it’s just a joke” is the bully’s defense.
Took me a long time to learn but I did. Response, no you are a jerk.
I don’t know why you even told him. Now you know his character, he fits in the acquaintance category not a friend you would want to help. NTA
Duuuude people who do this aren’t your friends. He’s a mean boy. Crushing others to feel better about himself. And yes, he does know what he’s doing. He just expects compliance from you and will then like you only because you submit to help him lift up his ego.
Drop him honestly. What good can come out of someone who doesn’t respect you?
NTA of course
NTA. He FAFOed. He hurt your feelings, and doubled down on it instead of apologizing. You already ARE the bigger person, b/c you approached him maturely about the hurt, and he brushed you off. Absolutely DO NOT help this person move.
NTA, he is “too sensitive” to handle the rejection of your help.
NTA
I would get new friends, he crossed a boundary, he can suffer the consequences!