First of all, I’m conscious that my sister has been overwhelmed with all the demands that comes with being a “two under two” mom since last year, plus her husband traveling a lot for work. I love her and those babies, so I really try to be understanding. For the past year, I’ve stayed over some nights at her house to help her, even though they live kind of far; I’ve also been very accommodating when she has needed emergency babysitting or something like that. My niece, her oldest, stays over at my mom’s⏤an apartment downstairs from mine⏤almost every weekend, and I tend to her on Sunday mornings while my mom tries to do some chores. My relationship with my parents⏤specially with my dad⏤is a bit strained right now, and also, Sundays are basically the only day I can rest, but I push down any feelings of discomfort for that sweet, little girl.
Here’s the thing: both my sister and her husband have great jobs, so they can afford two nannies during weekdays⏤one for each toddler⏤and one for the weekend. Still, my sister has felt the need to stay some weekends at my parents’ apartment lately, bringing over the youngest baby and his "weekend" nanny. The nanny sleeps at my apartment, and she goes downstairs early in the morning to help with the baby. But even with four adults down there (both grandparents, my sister and one nanny), they still ask me to wake up early those mornings to take care of my niece.
So, would I be the asshole for getting a bit pissed, speak up my discomfort with this whole situation and decide to sleep late when they come over?
ps: I’m from Latin America, and hiring services such as nannies, housekeeping, etc is not uncommon here, so it’s not like we are loaded or something; just to be clear 😆
I know you think you’re “not loaded” but, having the ability to hire a nanny in ANY part of the world is a privilege most can not afford. But, no matter what, you’re still nta. Girl. She literally hired a professional to care for her baby. Why are you still helping? I know “family helps family” is a common excuse used in Latin cultures, but that still doesn’t justify you giving up your days off when, *your sister literally hired a professional to help with her babies*. And it’s only 2. One professional caretaker worth their shit is enough. Especially if the parent is off, like, why are we also roping your elderly parents into this, too? She’s seriously gonna sit there and claim 4 grown ass adults can’t handle 2 kids under 2? BE FOR REAL.
>I know you think you’re “not loaded” but, having the ability to hire a nanny in ANY part of the world is a privilege most can not afford
That is true, although in countries with significant income gaps it’s common for even “middle class” families to have nannies or cleaners.
Um no. Unless these children have severe medical issues, they do not need the amount of care your sister is requiring. 4 adults for 1 child is absurd. The kids don’t even need their own nanny, one should be enough but since they do have their own, there is zero reason that anyone else should have to do anything. Especially if she is using YOUR apartment like it’s her own.
You need to put your foot down, you can love your niece without feeding into your sister’s unreasonable wants. It’s incredibly generous already that you allow her nanny to sleep in your apartment, start saying no. NTA
So like is each person holding a limb or something? What do four people even do with a child? Three people stare while the other cares for them?
NTA. Not your responsibility
You are not the asshole. She clearly had lots of help and support from many others. I definitely think that you should not help next time and sleep in. Xoxo😃👍
I’d recommend not approaching this in a accusatory manner and telling the family that they are taking advantage of you and infringing on your personal down time, bec that is just gonna start an argument and make everyone defensive and not resolve the issue.
Just state it in a positive way that also sets your availability for babysitting duties out clearly to your sister and parents going forward. You are not telling them no, you are telling them exactly when you are setting aside time in your busy schedule to make yourself available to babysit on a weekly basis so your sister can plan for that and so can your mum. ‘You know that I love both of my baby nieces, and have been happy that I’ve been able to help you out so much with them over the last two years.’
Make sure you say that last part clearly and directly to your sister, because it’s important to remind her how much you have already done for her up to now — but you’re saying it in such a nice way that you sound super nice and happy about it, so she can’t say that you are mad about it.
‘I am going to set aside some specific time blocks that I’m going to be available to watch the girls if you need me. I need to stick to a schedule for a while so I can get caught up on my own personal stuff that has been neglected for a while. I appreciate you all being understanding!’
Smile and walk back to your apartment. And don’t let her nanny take naps in your place, turn your phone on DND and stick to the schedule. If your sister tries to push for emergency babysitting, don’t answer the call and just get back to her later with a reminder that you are available on Thursday nights from 4-7pm and every other Saturday from 3-7pm, let you know if she wants to have you babysit on one of those designated days!
This is the craziest thing I’ve read on here! I am assuming the two year old and her nanny are also there to so we are talking 4 adults for 2 babies?
And you have to wake up early to look after the baby? Why? What are the others doing?
NTA
NTA
I never understand why so many families expect everyone in the family to take on the responsibilities of the members who decided to have children.
But, in this case they have adequate child care without need for you anyway.
You are not being selfish to want one day of rest, alone in your own apartment. It should be your choice when you help with your niece, not expected. And, if you don’t want the nanny staying at your apartment that is ok also.
First, you’re an adult. No one can require you to do anything.
Second, a nanny or daycare is pretty normal. People work. They need help. But something about your post makes it feel like they had kids for a reason other than actually wanting children. Do they ever spend time together??
NTA. Seriously. They can care for their own kids, and if they need help…beggars can’t be choosers.
NTA
Can you imagine being hired to do a job and asking someone else to do it for you for free? So, no, you are very much within your rights to sleep in late and explain that the weekend nanny can wake up early.
On a completely different note, and not trying to bag on your sister, but seriously? She is holding down a job and has 2 babies at home, but she also has 2 freaking nannies???? She is NOT a stressed out mother of 2. I can’t imagine what is going on that she would ever have to interact with those children unless she chose to. A stressed mother of 2 under 2 has one kid on her hip and one kid at her feet at all times, trying to do basic life activities like brushing your teeth. A mom with 2 nannies doesn’t know that stress.
Seriously, I only had 1 child, but I used to have to take baths with him just to get clean and I lost 60 lb the first month because I didn’t have time to eat. I had to start drinking ensure with calories just so I could maintain a BMI within a healthy range.
My friend is a nanny for twins. she works one Nanny at a time, they have another single nanny for when she’s not there and their parents are at work. But they’ve never required two nannies for two children at any point in time. that seems quite unreasonable honestly to continue asking you to help out.
So your sister had 2 nanny’s for 2 kids and on the weekends wants your mom and you to watch her kids? Doesn’t she like her kids? When does she spend time with them? When does the father spend quality time with the kids?