I have this sister in law (husbands sister) who is emotionally manipulative but so many think she’s sweet. For over 20years now she’s made snide remarks to me that are particularly emotionally driven to make her sound like a victim. 75% of the time she makes them when no-one else is around.
The latest was over some food for a large family event. It was the day before, her family and my family were staying at another family members house. The fridge was full of food ready for the next day (noting there were other food items in there). Food that I had contributed too as I was going to be preparing for various parts of the day (I had previously arranged this with the family member we were staying with cause I picked up the phone and discussed it with her). My SIL and her husband helped themselves to some of this food without asking. I said I needed what they had for the next day, she started getting sulky about it and said they’d go to the shop to replace it. I said I’d check to see what was used and if it actually needed replacing. That’s when the comments happened.
As I checked the fridge, I really didn’t think anything needed to be replaced and it was fine. That was until she came up next to me and said ‘We’ll go to the shops cause I don’t want to rock the boat’. I thought stuff it, everyone is ALWAYS pacifying this woman, you can go to the damn shops. Later this was then followed by comments like ‘no-one communicates in this family’ (meaning she hadn’t realised I was contributing more than her for the family event) and ‘I had to walk from one shop to the next to replace those items cause the first shop didn’t have them, that’s how much I love you’ (this said whilst pointing her finger at me) and then she hugged me and said ‘it’s just food’.
She’s been so insecure over the years but why am I always her target? It’s actually become a bit much now and my husband and I have distanced ourselves from her because I can’t tolerate it anymore. This is unfortunate cause we both really like her husband and kids.
Do you have any interest in giving it right back to her?
“I just wish some people would be a bit more considerate of the work other people do”
“I find it so interesting that everyone else knew not to eat the food, the communication seems like it’s just fine”
“I’m so glad you saw the importance of replacing what you took instead of downplaying it”
“When you spend hours and hours make the food then you get to say it’s just food”
Oh this is good! I need to get better at my responses!! I’ve reached a point now where I’m not letting it impact me as much as I used too, so maybe my next chapter is this.
Your southern sweet pie era
You are not the asshole. You clearly said they didn’t have to go but they did anyways. Everyone in this room says you aren’t the asshole. Xoxo😃👍
This is very similar to why I cut off my sister on some real she that way cos she Is enabled instead of called out she has no reason to change if everyone around her is a yes man
I’ve actually started to recognise that she’s possibly a bully and she’s now been bullying me the whole time. There’s times over the years I have been obnoxious but she’s been consistent
Have you tried pushing her down at recess or pulling her hair? You are both adults, right?
ESH.
NTA, I don’t think you’re an asshole.
>‘no-one communicates in this family’
“Like when people don’t ask before taking something out of other people’s fridge/pantry? Yeah I agree it would be nice if that didn’t happen anymore.”
NTA
😆
The two of you sound like two peas in a pod.
What i was gonna say. I can totally see this being OP being non communicative and over sensitive rather than the other way around. Makes me think it’s just two anxious people in a competition for the victim spot.
Interesting take from both of you. Happy to share the 20+ years of comments and emotional manipulation she’s displayed to me. I particularly liked the one where my husband and I agreed on something that he needed to speak to her about. Her response was ‘If that’s what she wants’, to which my husband responded with ‘no, that’s what we both want’.