I am a parent to a 2.5 year old and pregnant. I work full time and have an emotionally taxing job. I usually get home after grabbing kid by 5:45 and then in a mad dash to get him dinner, bathed and ready for bed by 7:30. My son is not a great eater so it’s a stressful time of day when I’m tired.
My mother claims the only thing that makes her happy is him and she wants to see him multiple times a week including mid week. No expression of wanting to see me or help. I expressed that for that to happen, she is welcome to pick him up early and then I can grab him from her for bedtime. She denied that saying she can’t do that but can come over after 5:45. I stated no because it’s already hectic and I don’t want another mouth to feed or her comments about how my house should be tidier.
My parents moved nearby shortly after I had my first to be near him. They always want to see or speak to him or ask about his day rather than mine. I’ve told my parents that they should also ask about me. When I say that, they just laugh and say it means nothing and I’m too sensitive. My mother claims she is not doing well mentally and tries to guilt trip me. We see them at least 2-3 times a month and honestly I feel it’s enough. We also have in-laws nearby to see and we want to socialize with friends or just be able to chill without entertaining.
Am I the asshole?
NTA.
My kids are older now but what you described is exactly what I dreamed of when they were little. Please come take care of them for an even because workday evenings are exhausting and stressful. But absolutely I do NOT want to host a guest and have extra work.
NTA-they want the benefits that come with being a grandparent but none of the work that comes with that.
If she really wanted to see him she would pick him up. Realistically would seeing him while you are trying to get him to eat and bathed between 6pm – 7:30pm even be a good visit? No of course not. He would be distracted and she wouldn’t even really get to interact with him.
Stick to your routine. It’s better for your kid.
NTA. My mom likes to show up for weeknight dinner sometimes. She will ask us what we want, make or pick up food, feed us and our kids, play with one while we bathe the other, then leave at a reasonable time for bedtime. AKA makes our evening less stressful and easier! My in-laws are not allowed, they show up late, insist on big desserts, show kids videos and whine more than anyone when it’s bedtime.
NTA. Your child is a person, not an emotional support animal. Your mother needs to find other, legitimate and helpful means to deal with her mental health – therapy, medication, whatever – and not put it on a toddler.
NTA. You and your child are not responsible for your mother’s mental health and you need to make that clear. If seeing your son is “the only thing that makes her happy,” she needs to seek therapy and/or medication to work that out. You are not on-demand entertainment for her and you deserve space. Please do not allow her to let your child think he is responsible for her happiness – I say that as an adult who is still untangling having adults in my life make me feel responsible for their moods as a kid (my paternal grandmother being one of them).
NTA. Your child is not your mom’s emotional support animal and neither of you are responsible for her wellbeing. Do what works for you and son. Mom will have to accept what you’re willing to give, or she can get less if she complains too much about wanting more
NTA your child is not your mom’s emotional support animal. She needs therapy and medication.
Wanted to add, you are putting a lot on yourself. I was a single mom and looking back, I didn’t need to have so much anxiety. Your little son might be feeling some of the of the “mad dash” and in turn feeling anxiety so not eating so well. I 100% agree with your mom adding to the stress. Good on you for not allowing her extra disruption. Is there any way hubby can pick up son? Maybe start with some meal prep on weekends?
Idk why your Mom can’t turn visiting into helping
NTA
We don’t do weekday visits, we don’t do naptime or evening visits, we won’t go for dinner unless it’s early, we don’t visit at any eating time. Some people have kids who can go with the flow, I have one who turns into a demon. I’m not making my life ay harder than it already is.
NTA. Your parents moved house in order to be near you, seeing your son is the “only thing that makes her happy,” yet she “can’t” come to your house before 5:45? I call BS on that, she’s doing a control thing.
Your kid is not your mom’s emotional support animal. She needs to get a hobby.
NTA. Your child isn’t an emotional support animal for your mother.
NTA –
>My mother claims the only thing that makes her happy is him
Protect your child – your mother is putting way to much pressure on a toddler, and it wont get any better, or even worse the new baby will be all that makes her happy then your son will wonder what he did wrong when he is ignored by your mother.
>she can’t do that but can come over after 5:45.
and this
>they just laugh and say it means nothing and I’m too sensitive
Your mother is doing this on purpose to make your life more difficult.
Stay strong, as you set boundaries, she will try to stomp on them. It wont get any easier when the 2nd baby comes, set the boundaries now, and don’t let your mother guilt you. Your mother is an adult that can be responsible for her own emotions.