I (22M) live with my girlfriend (24F).
I have had some real issue fighting anxiety and mental health issues. One of the things I identified as a trigger was my use of screens and in particular social media.
In an attempt to battle this I have tried to find activities that are soothing and keep me away from the electronic devices.
One of the things I found really helpful at this is Jigsaw Puzzles. Particularly tough ones where you don’t just go off the box.
It will normally take me a few days, by doing a bit every now and then when I need to decompress. So they will be on the table for this whole period. We don’t use the table for eating so that is not an issue.
Once or twice my girlfriend has joined me to do part of the puzzle. And though she was a lot quicker at finding where pieces went, I didn’t mind this.
However, lately she has just taken to doing some of the puzzles when I am not around. The other day I came home and she had completed half of one I had only just started.
She has never previously shown any interest. I feel like it is taking away my time to relax and unwind.
I have tried to politely say that they are my puzzles but she keeps doing it. I am tempted to broach the subject again but more firmly. AITA?
NTA, but I wouldn’t jump to say she is either unless she knows why you’re doing the puzzles/ it’s important to you to have as your own activity that sometimes invite her to, and not a shared one. If she’s doing them despite knowing that, it’s rude. If not, just talk to her
Edit to be clear two second later lol. You should still talk to her either way I just mean explain it to her if it’s the latter
NAH, I think you just need to tell her plainly that you enjoy being the one to complete your puzzles and that it’s important to you. I don’t think she’s being an ass and I’m with you on wanting this solo chill time
all good unless she’s refuses to allow you your hobby or you build resentment while not communicating
NTA You could suggest she get her own puzzles? Or you have ones that are ok for you both to do and ones that are just yours? It’s not unreasonable. Maybe she thinks she’s helping or showing support?
NAH. It doesn’t seem like you’ve really spoken to her in a way that conveys your needs. Talk to her about it. Y’all have done the puzzles together so in her mind they’re a shared thing. You both work on them together and separately. Let her know what you use them for, and tell her you’d appreciate it if she would only work on them with you.
NAH get her a puzzle to do as well. Ask her if she likes crosswords or something similar where she can ask you for help too. Doing puzzles with you may have been fun because it was with you and when she sees the puzzle it reminds her of that good time so she gets lost in doing it on her own.
NAH, if a puzzle was on a table in a shared space, and the person who started it had previously let me complete some of it with them, I would assume it was okay for me to help complete it too. It sounds like she also finds the challenge stimulating.
I would just talk to her about it.
I mean….you’re taking up a shared space for a long period (multiple days!) and making it so another person can’t use it. Tables are used for things other than eating, and if the table existed in the apartment before the puzzles, it’s not your super special puzzle table. It’s a table for general use, which your girlfriend cannot use when you’re spreading a puzzle on it for multiple days at a time. If you insist that the puzzle is only for use by you and not a community activity, then you need to find a place to do your puzzle where it’s not taking up shared spaces from the other people who live in the apartment with you.
Can you share the puzzles with your girlfriend and buy a Sudoku book just for yourself, or something? Not necessarily Sudoku, but there are *tons* of different kids of puzzles that don’t take up tables and are more conducive to private use than a large jigsaw puzzle in a public, centrally located area. YTA if you get “firm” with her about this, and you need to be prepared for her to turn around and say “okay, then I’d prefer if you stopped monopolizing the table for days at a time.”
NTA you may want to get a puzzle mat so you can roll them up and put them away what you’re not at home. Or maybe a puzzle table so you can close it up.
I’m not excusing her but I think it’s hard to walk by a puzzle and ignore it if you see where a piece goes.
NTA, but this is the kind of thing couples often do together. She might have no idea you’re feeling this way, and is treating it as a joint hobby.
Be very clear about your feelings, e.g. “I’m glad you like puzzles too, but they’re very therapeutic and important for me, so I would appreciate if you didn’t work on them or finish them while I’m out.”
YTA- sorry to say. A puzzle left undone in a shared space is a puzzle is a puzzle for all. Of course, you can ask her to limit it to when you’re there and do it together, but that would apply to you too. And unspoken rules are you shouldn’t finish a shared puzzle all to yourself.
Come on, share your puzzles and just plan to get a few more puzzles since there will be both of you doing them. She’ll either loose interest eventually or get really into them and then you will have a partner to puzzle with. Either way is good. Let it go, enjoy the comradely of solving the puzzles together.
NAH, but YWBTA if you broach the subject “more firmly.” It sounds like she’s trying to pursue a shared interest with you and has no way of knowing why this is a problem, not to mention you’re using communal space. “They are my puzzles” is not the way to approach this. You need to actually talk to her about the way you’re using this to decompress and why what she’s doing interferes with that. Although honestly, I’m not totally clear on why you can’t let her do part of it and just start another one when you finish.
NAH as long as you don’t expect to monopolize a shared space. If you want her “hands off” the puzzle that stays set up on your shared space dining table, then where does she get to set up a puzzle for herself? You need to figure that out because demanding to monopolize the only appropriate space for an activity that you both enjoy would definitely make you an asshole. It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t previously interested in doing puzzles, she’s interested now. Maybe a folding card table or puzzle board would provide a fair solution.
If you’re going to be possessive of your puzzle then you need enough space to set two of them out
But really, doing your puzzle doesn’t harm you… If you get through this one faster then you can just go on to the next one faster or you can go back to another one. Once you have a reasonable collection you can loop back around and restart ones you’ve already done.
It’s fine, it’s just a puzzle, it’s not consumable like a pizza. There are infinite puzzles in the world and you can redo them as many times as you want.
I do really recommend puzzle boards for being able to stash your puzzle so you can swap out his and hers or just reclaim the table for other stuff when convenient
Dude
Your girlfriend enjoys puzzles
Be glad and buy more puzzles it’s not like they cost a fortune. It will just strengthen your bond.
YTA for being silly and making a drama instead of bonding moment