I (early 20s F) agreed to help take care of my friend’s mom’s dog while she was out of town. Based on our conversations, I genuinely believed I was just doing check-ins (feeding, letting him out, etc.) on her dog. At no point did she clearly ask or tell me that I was expected to stay over at her house.
If she had asked me to stay overnight, I would’ve talked to my mom first, since I live at home. I didn’t do that, which is why I’m confident there was a misunderstanding about expectations. I also am a full time college student and I recently started classes which I have no background in, so I have been trying to keep my time and focus on studying.
Today, the first night, since I had no way of being able to sleep at her home, I was able to get permission by my parents to have the dog sleep at mine. The dog proceeded to wake me up around 3 a.m. and peed on the floor, twice. This created issues at home because my mom is very strict about cleanliness, and it made it clear that she wasn’t happy about him staying over, I already have two dogs of my own, one giant and chaotic, and the other old and weak. I also have school and was coming off a long weekend of apartment hunting in another city, so I was already exhausted.
On top of that, the mom then told me she’s actually returning two days later than planned because she “forgot,” extending the care beyond what I was originally told.
For context, I almost always help with her pets on short notice, sometimes without being paid, because I care about the animals. She has watched my bigger dog once in the past, but that was a separate situation where we talked through everything and she agreed to it at her home.
I told her I can’t do overnight care or full responsibility for 10+ days, but I offered to:
•Help with daytime check-ins when my schedule allows
•Help her book a Rover sitter for overnight care
•Continue helping if expectations and payment for the extra days are clearly agreed on
She’s upset and says she would “never do this to me” and implies I’m backing out unfairly.
AITA for setting this boundary and saying I can’t continue overnight care under these circumstances?
NTA
NTA. it sounds like she uses you and knows she can get away with it. this would be the last time i watch her dog for her if it were me
nta staying at someone else’s house is a way bigger commitment than she asked for
You are absolutely in the wrong to back out now that the owner is out of town. You should have settled all the details before you agreed. Some credit, though, for trying to organize an alternative plan.
While the two extra days were a change, there is not much difference between eight and ten days.
absolutely NTA she knew from the start that she would be gone the extended amount of time and set this up to try to force you into taking care of her dog, she knew if she had asked outright for the full length and overnight care you would reject it and so she’s trying to manipulate you instead. I can just about guarantee she would not pay you properly either.
Don’t fall for the guilt trip, it’s beyond kind of you to offer additional help and assist with finding a Rover sitter. If she won’t work with you, call animal control and report an abandoned animal, this is not your responsibility to deal with.
Sorry there was a misunderstanding. In the future, send an email outlining your understanding of the requirements. BTW, the dog was in an unfamiliar surrounding with two other dogs. His accidents were understandable.
You’re not the asshole for setting boundaries, but the dog is a living creature – if you can work out a way to make sure they’re healthy and safe for the duration, please do so. I love my doggo, and while I would fully understand if there are issues with someone taking care of him during my stay away from the house – I’d hope to god the people with the issue would work out a way that he’s safe and comfortable until I can get back to him.
that said, especially if it’s a problem with your existing dogs, there should hopefully be a way to resolve this that doesn’t put you or them out. Maybe seeing about an overnight kennel for the duration of the extended stay, given that you’ve already extended the agreed-upon duration.
More Info.
What was communicated? Be clear about it.
INFO what’s the big deal about staying over? You’d have the whole place to yourself, quiet for focusing on studying, and elderly doggie would have his familiar environment.
> since I had no way of being able to sleep at her home
seriously, why? They have beds, you presumably have bedding, so.. why?
Also, why do you have to ask your mother’s permission to dog sit and be gone for a while? You’re a grown adult and she needs to loosen the leash a bit.
I really want your friend’s mom’s side because the more I read this the more it falls apart and I think YMBTA.
Did I read this right? You’re backing out while she’s away? If so, that’s not right. Fine you can’t stay over, although I’m confused about why, but let’s say your reasoning is legitimate. Saying that I’ll check in when my schedule allows it sounds like you’re not taking care of the dog at all?? Dogs need regular check ins. If your schedule doesn’t allow it for that day, is your plan just to not do what you initially agreed to??
I’m leaning towards YTA