I (36F) was included in a text group my mom had created specifically for information concerning our locally record breaking snowfall. (When the snow was coming in, how cold it was going to be, and the like) The thread included my mother, grandmother, brother, SIL, and my husband. While initially the information sent between us was useful, it then started to turn into a standard text thread between my family. This usually consists of my brother talking about how bad the weather was going to get (our resident armchair meteorologist) and my mother becoming more and more fearful because of it. They tend to feed off each other-my brother gets attention and my mom overprepares/over worries because she takes him seriously. (I feel the need to add that it was no where near as bad as he predicted.) The texts were pretty constant. At first I muted the notifications out of annoyance, but frankly I decided that there was nothing to glean from continuing to be in the thread but stress. So, I left the group. No big explanation, no argument, just left. While I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal (my brother added me back as a joke, and I just left again good humor) my mother seems to be offended by it. She exclusively texts in this thread that I’ve left instead of calling or texting me directly like she has in the past. (She usually calls or texts me personally once a day) She directs my husband (who remains in the thread) to provide me with any information that I may actually need. Everyone else in that thread texts me or calls me as usual if they need me. I don’t think that I’m TA but I could see how not saying anything may have been rude. However, I figured just leaving would keep the peace the best. Just wanted an outside perspective just in case I’m missing something. AITA?
NTA and have a convo with your mom that group texts distract you so you can’t get anything done. Her passive aggressiveness is not your responsibility. Your husband needs to have the boundaries not to relay info from your mom to you
NTA. I hear they’re talking about banning phones for kids under 14 but maybe we should apply that to people over 65 as well.
a soft YTA next time try communicating to your family before you ghost the group text.
I’m here. Soft YTA. Sure the text threads are annoying but this was hardly a thread of a dozen or more people. Muting wasn’t good enough, why? You just bailed. And then bailed AGAIN simply… because?
You did nothing wrong per say, but damn. Condescending AF.
NTA. You are a grown adult. This is an optional text conversation about snow between a few people. I don’t even see a conflict here.
Eh, YTA. Sounds like you’re in regular communication with your family, so I don’t know why it is so hard to just mute the thread and check in on it at your convenience. Likely your brother thinks he’s being helpful, and your mother thinks that she’s also in a bit of a crisis. By leaving without explanation, you left the door open for your family to interpret it in the framework of their choosing. Very likely it is OP has shunned my helpful predictions (brother) and OP doesn’t care if I live or die in this apocalyptic storm (mother, depending on the drama factor). Why would you expect them to backchannel to you outside of the family chat? YOU see it as keeping your peace, but you’re 36 it’s on you to make sure that you communicate the intentions behind your actions.
Keep removing yourself from the group text and only respond to direct communications. Just keep ignoring. I despise group texts and group messages and always delete myself from them.
NTA
but the less confrontational way to handle is to just put it on silent and ignore it.
In the grand scheme of things, this is a pretty small deal. However, I’d say YTA in this situation. You knew perfectly well that you leaving would be noticed, and some would take offense. Sounds like you enjoy stirring the soup a bit. You could have just left the notifications off and it wouldn’t have bothered you at all, but you wanted to take that extra step for drama.
Soft ESH. While some find group texts overwhelming, others find it overwhelming to communicate the same information repeatedly with a lot of people one on one. If you weren’t getting notifications after muting you could’ve stopped responding without drama, but also you’re an adult who can leave a group text and not have people flip out. Maybe there needs to be a family conversation about what kinds of communication feel best for everyone?