My (F29) grandmother reached out to me and asked if I could add her daughter (my aunt) to the shared photo album of my 1 year old son. One might think this is not a big deal; however I have no real relationship with my aunt. She lives across the country and I have maybe seen her 5 times in my whole life. She has never really made an effort with me or my brother and only sends the occasional “Happy Birthday” text. If my grandmother did not talk to my aunt every day and report my life to her and if my aunt did not follow me on social media, my aunt would know nothing about me. Essentially, I would classify us as strangers.
Ever since I had my son, my aunt has been commenting on my instagram posts of him and even sent him a present (which is very strange to me). Today my grandmother asked if I could add my aunt to the album and I responded that we were only adding immediate family. To which she responded with a rude comment saying “and you mean to tell me your aunt is not immediate family.” I politely told her that yes she is not immediate family and her and I have a nonexistent relationship. I fear I have started world war 3 with my grandmother.
TO ADD!!!! My aunt has never met my husband OR my son.
So I ask, am I the asshole for not just adding my aunt in order to keep the peace with my elderly grandma?
NAH but you are being a bit unfriendly and rude. Sounds like your aunt is reaching out and trying to establish a relationship by engaging a bit on social media and sending a gift. She is being friendly, which you are finding “very strange”. Yes, you haven’t had a relationship up until now, but she is trying now. You certainly don’t need to give her access to the photo album, but I think you should at least consider it.
How is it “rude” to simply not engage with someone you don’t want a relationship with??
I’m leaning toward ESH. The aunt should’ve reached sooner, but OP sounds dismissive. I have family members I didnt’ have relationships with until I was an adult and now we travel the world together. It sounds to me like the aunt is making a genuine effort.