We’re best friends since 7 years and we had our ups and downs, but most of our conflicts were related to her borderline personality disorder. In the beginning it wasn’t much of a drama, because it wasn’t that bad and I was able to handle her tantrums pretty well, even though it was always about the smallest things (e.g. I told her that the woman in the supermarket has a beautiful dress) or because of mistaken assumptions.
But then it got worse each year and even to a point where I wasn’t feeling like I can say anything anymore.
On top of that she sometimes became mean in general and told me I shouldn’t make a fuss. For example when she wanted to go try out a game at a party and I said I wasn’t interested in joining, but I would like to watch, she declined joining one of the teams and only replied with a petty "nope" when I wanted to involve her in anything or asked her a normal question (but she still insisted to be near me the whole time).
Or she occasionally loved to mimic me when she was on edge and always had an excuse for it to do so.
The last time she started an argument again over nothing I ignored her completely. I know that people with bpd have a massive anxiety about being abandoned, but it came to a point, where I simply can not do this anymore. I don’t want to be blamed for something I didn’t do or say and have to take responsibility, just because her head told her a whole other story. Even though there are proofs she is in the wrong. The only way to end this cycle is ‘admitting’ to the truth in her head and deeply apologize for it (almost begging for forgiveness).
She’s not always like that and actually a very good friend (aside from the things she sometimes does or say due to her bpd), but I suffer from burnout and I am simply not able to take such a behavior anymore, especially if there is no effort from the other person to do at least a little bit better. She says she doesn’t need therapy, but takes all emotions out on me and declares it to be a regular argument. I don’t want to be her emotional trashcan to this extent.
Am I the asshole?
She’s a terrible friend. BPD requires management, and she is not seeking the care she needs. She also needs to stop using her BPD as an excuse. You are more than warranted to declare why you need a break from the relationship. If you are afraid of doing it right away, quiet quit the friendship. There will be times when it could be the cause, but there are things out there. Is she self-diagnosed or is she clinically diagnosed?
It came to a point where I am quite afraid to talk to her or see her again, because of her behavior. Aside from this side she is my best friend for a reason, but on the other hand I know deep down that she will never want to improve the situation she’s in.
She is clinically diagnosed, but just because she got out of the psychiatric clinic she stated that she is fully healed from everything.
Her mental health is not your responsibility. We all have our limits and it sounds like you can’t be the friend she wants because she isn’t working on herself. NTA