AITA?! I have two Half sisters, all from different moms and we share the same dad. I am the youngest one as I am 19F and my middle sister is 28, the oldest is 33 and just had a baby around 1 1/2 years ago. My whole life, I felt pretty alone as I would see my sister’s very sporadically, and our dad was at his worst when he was raising me, because he’s been dealing with a drug addict addiction for a long time. My sisters grew up back when my grandma was young, my family had money, and they had a lot of resources that I didn’t have which I do think caused a little resentment between me and them. I’ve always been very jealous of their relationship to my dad and grandma, but I don’t really say anything about it because it’s not their fault.
This all basically started on Mother’s Day last year 2025. My middle sister is an influencer so she keeps up with her stories almost every single day, and I noticed that she posted having brunch with my other sister and both of their moms. Me and my mom never got an invitation or text, and me being 18 at the time and not having much to do for Mother’s Day because we only had a small brunch, I was extremely upset. I wrote them a text saying how I felt left out and that me and my mom didn’t deserve to be treated like this because this is not the first time it’s happened, but it’s the first time I’m saying something about it. At first, my oldest sister apologized along with my middle sister, and use an excuse, saying that they have a lot going on in their life, which I understand, but at this point, I was also going through a lot. It was the fact that they didn’t check up on me even when my mom was going through cancer when I was 15/16 or didn’t offer me a place to stay when I really needed it, So to be honest with them saying that rubbed me the wrong way and that’s when I said I have a lot going on too, and my oldest sister went off on me about how I don’t try. Again I’m 19 currently and for one whole year of my life, I was homeless and I still made the effort to go and try to see them whenever I could so it doesn’t sound fair to me at all.
This next time that the same thing occurred was yesterday. A week ago I received a text from my dad in my sister group chat saying that he was going to see my grandmother in a couple days. Well, the Sunday that we’re all supposed to hang out rolls around and I never get a text from anyone or the group chat so I texted the chat saying I was confused because nobody had reached out to me. Then I check my sisters insta story and they’re all hanging out. Again. So I sent a long text about how I felt like somebody could’ve reached out to me and asked me if I wanted to come or where I was, or tell me a proper time, as well as how I’ve felt left out my whole life. And my oldest sister got mad at me, saying her hands are full and I should’ve tried harder essentially. That hurt me because, if it was them who didn’t show up, I would’ve called and checked to see if they are ok, or want to come.
This is a toughie, because in reality, you can’t force a relationship with people who don’t want one. You don’t know what they were told about you and your Mom growing up. It seems like they are a lot older than you, and in different places in their life. Your best bet is two choices:
1. Understand they aren’t going to include you, cut your losses and move on…
2. give yourself 5 years then when you are at a different stage in your life, try one more time. It probably won’t happen.
Honestly, if it was me, I would just not reach out to them again. Move on and live your life.
NTA (but leaning towards, NAH).
NTA, but I will, gently, call you a fool.
It is foolish to expect that the people who have not reached out in the past will reach out now. I think you know that, OP. It sucks that your sisters are distant from you and do not reach out, and if you don’t want to be the one who is reaching out, then don’t be. Acknowledge that your relationship with your sisters will become more distant and let it fade until they are interested in reaching out.
The alternative, if you want those relationships, is to accept that you have to be the proactive one here. Most relationships require that one person put more energy in. It’s unfortunate, but factual. If you aren’t willing to put the energy in, and they aren’t either, the relationship fades. If you want the relationship, you need to be the one to put the energy in, because they won’t.
It sucks, but it is what it is.
I agree I’m a fool for doing the same thing and expecting diff results😪
INFO: did you ever consider reaching out to them after your dad’s message or did you wait and assume that they would just send the details… sometimes you need to reach out too… withholding judgement
Paragraphs are really good things. And using paragraphs gets your posts actually read more often.
Mild YTA to yourself. They clearly don’t want a relationship with you. You are not in the same life stages and have different interests, etc. I would stop trying to make a relationship happen with people who don’t reciprocate. I don’t consider them assholes if they are polite.
That’s a hard learned lesson in life. Spend time with people who actually want and make efforts to spend time with you.
I think, NTA, but also maybe NAH. It sounds like all of you have had various degrees of difficulty in your upbringings. Just because you were younger when your dad was in addiction, doesn’t mean it didn’t also affect them. Either way, the bottom line is they’ve shown you how much they care and how much energy they want to put into a relationship with you. I think you’re better off focusing your attention elsewhere. Do things that make you happy, and get some therapy for the things that don’t (like your relationship with these sisters, for example).
NAH. We don’t really know y’all’s history, but it sounds like y’all have never been close. I understand wanting more from them, but they’re not obligated to give you more.
NAH
You are hurt and you want to be included.
There is a pretty big age difference between you and your half sisters. Not excusing it, but you being so much younger, they probably really never felt a real sibling bond with you. Being raised in the same house a 10 year age difference is hard, not being raised together, you are just in different orbits as children so there is no real bond. A six year difference is considered two only children, because the difference are just too much.
There is nothing wrong with wanting family to love and want to be with you, but at this point, given the different life stages, the relationships probably won’t get much closer. At least not for quite a number of years.
Do yourself a great kindness, stop following your half sibling’s social media and maybe try to accept that they just don’t remember/consider you when making plans together.
Try to find some chosen family that chooses you. You deserve to be cherished by those who are your “family” and your blood family is only going to continue to disappoint if you keep chasing them for scraps of affection.
You DESERVE to have people in your life that CHOOSE to be with you.
YTA…
They’re generations ahead of you, not around when you were growing up and having their own troubles not needing yours or your toxic fathers too.
Boo hoo… life sucks and yer mad theirs didn’t suck like yours. But with your father it surely did, maybe not the same way as yours
Light YTA. You are much younger than they are and clearly don’t have a strong bond with them. I would lower your expectations around your involvement with your half sisters going forward.
Also it’s a cop out saying that you don’t have mud to do for Mother’s Day because it just you and your mum. You don’t need anyone else there to be able to make her feel special.
Your half sisters are not obligated to spend time with you and your mom just like you’re not obligated to do anything with them. NAH
I have a half older sister who resents me, but never vocalized it so i feel like i can relate. You are NTA, but you might need to accept that they are not interested in getting to know you. It hurts, but I think they have made it clear. No reason to keep setting yourself up to be let down.