Me (F25) and my bf (M26) are thinking of moving in together in the coming months. He always dreamed of getting a Samoyed but I absolutely despise dogs as I think that they smell, don’t give you any personal space and they make the whole house stink like dog. I already have two male cats and my bf is fine with them. The problem is that now my bf thinks it’s unfair that I get to live with the animals I always wanted and he doesn’t. I think I’m not the asshole as he doesn’t have any dog of his own yet (I obviously would have taken it upon myself if he already had a dog he owned) and I always was very honest about my opinion on dogs since the beginning of our relationship. Am I the asshole in this situation?
NAH…. But if someone has a lifelong dream and you despise that dream, you are incompatible. It’s a simple as that.
NAH. You’re not an AH for not wanting to live with a dog, but it’s completely valid for him to want a dog. If you are saying he can never own a dog his whole life (assuming you stay together) that is a HUGE ask and would be a dealbreaker for many. So you both have to decide how important that is to each of you. Personally, I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who told me point blank no conversation that I could never get a certain kind of pet that I wanted.
You should do him a favor and leave him
NTA
But this is a core incompatibility that does not bode well for the long term.
You need to have a serious conversation with your bf about what each of you sees the relationship looking like if you continue to hold this line or if you let him get a dog.
If there is going to be resentment either way, then it’s probably best to not move in together and do some heavy thinking about whether the relationship should continue,
No you’re not….but in all honesty you both aren’t compatible and you’d both be miserable if you tried to chug on.
As someone who goes in and out of loads of houses for a living; cat piss/litter trays stink worse than a house that smells like ‘dog’
If someone told me I’d have to spend the rest of my life never being allowed to have the pet i desperately wanted, I’d be gone.
This relationship won’t work, the resentment will build and build that you get to have the pets you want, but he can’t. And I say this as a cat owner that own my heart
I do think YTA. I think relationships are a lot about compromise, maybe there is some middle ground you can come to. I think it’s unfair for him to not ever be able to have his dream animal. As someone who grew up on a farm, and has owned dogs and cats, I can assure you dogs do not smell if they’re properly groomed. Tell him he has to keep up with the dogs care, also Samoyeds in particular are actually one of the breeds of dogs out there that take a lot to smell bad. Their coat prevents them from trapping dirt and moisture that causes that bad dog smell. Honestly Samoyed is probably one of the best kind of dogs you can get in terms of someone who is looking to avoid the smell. Come to an agreement that he will ensure the dog is regularly bathed and you really won’t have a problem. I think if this is someone you really truly love and want to stay with long term, you should allow him to get a dog.
You’re NTA for not liking dogs, but you guys should break up. Having strongly different preferences about pets is absolutely deal breaker territory, in my opinion. One of you is going to be resentful of the other, maybe for the rest of your lives. It is good that you found out about a fundamental issue with your compatibility before you signed a lease or got married.
NAH but it sounds like you two might not be compatible
You have a right in a relationship to want or not want certain things including pets. So does he. If a dog is an absolute “no” for you then he needs to decide if he can respect that you do not want a dog and live life without one or whether he should end things now and find a partner who DOES want a dog.
But you’d better be prepared in case he decides to choose the dog.
NAH, but don’t move in together
NAH
If you live together, pets are two-yes-or-it’s-a-no.
That being said, you are asking him to give up a lifelong dream because you don’t like dogs. That is not fair either and might cause a lot of resentment down the line. You may have to sit down and have a serious discussion whether you should live together or not. Not to say that you have to break up or anything, you could simply live in separate places. That is certainly a solution.
Communication, honesty and compromise is key.
I don’t think you should live together.
There are cat people and there are dog people and there are pet people and not pet people.
Honestly, cat houses are far stinkier than most dogs in my experience and I have had both
You are allowed to be a cat person. However, that does not negate his ability to be a dog person..
This sounds like a big compatibility issue.
If you two agree on any sort of decision or compromise you will both need to fully feel good about it.
In no way should you subject a dog to being in a home where one of his caretakers resents him.
Your bf is a dog person, you are not.
At the very least I would not move in together yet – he can get his dog and take care of him on his own. You can see how it goes with you only visiting.