I’ve been friends with someone online for years, we were best friends for the longest time. We share a lot of interests, and we text a lot. I’ve helped them through a lot of hard times, been there for them, and we like to chat a lot. But the thing is, ever since last year they keep saying they want to hang out in call and play stuff together. They expressed excitement over the idea, keep offering it, and I’ve been hopeful as well.
I get along great with all of the people I know, including friends of friends. I try to be easygoing mostly but with this person I just couldn’t handle it anymore. After going through a lot of being lied to and having promises not kept by people in the past and being mistreated, this just built up and i got hurt again and again. I know no one is obligated to hang out with you, but the thing is they keep saying it, they keep offering it and acting like they want it.
For many months, I’ve asked and got no reply to my question, just changing the topic a few days later when they respond again, or they say they can’t right now but at a later time. For the entire year, I’ve asked time to time and the same thing happens. I’ve confronted them calmly around 5 times but nothing ever changes; Basically they ghosted the first two times I calmly talked about the problem, just a complete disregard and not acknowledging the issue and refusing to talk at all for a few days until they did again, which they didn’t respond to it. The next times I confronted they actually talked but all it was was making more promises that they still wanted to hang out but that it’d be later either because their sleeping was off, they were busy doing art, or other things of that nature. I was fine with that, but saying those things only goes so far.
But today I just couldn’t help it. I lashed out on them, telling them that it’s pure bullshit and just plain rude. I don’t like people who never keep their word, I always try my hardest to keep my word and usually stick to plans that people make with me, and if I can’t I straight up tell them and try to plan for another time; I don’t just completely ghost their question.
The thing is, I don’t see how it’s wrong to do something like that, but they act like I’m being the rudest person in the world right now for doing this.
NTA. You’ve been more patient than I would have been. This person doesn’t seem to want to be real friends, just to keep you sort of “on stand-by” as a friend in case they need something. They keep stringing you along with the hope that you will still be there in case something comes up on their end. I would cut ties at this point. This person isn’t interested in changing, as evidenced by their reaction.
NTA…sounds like your friend doesn’t really want to hang out. If someone keeps ignoring a question, they usually don’t want to answer it.
Unfortunately, at some point I’d just stop bringing it up because I think you have a clear answer
NTA, stop trying with them. Just find someone new to hang out with that actually wants to hang out with you.
This is a hard lesson for me, but I’ve learned it. Stop wasting time and energy on people like that.
NTA. Lashing out isn’t the best thing, but if you’ve already confronted them 5 times calmly, then lashing out may have been your only option. As far as the friendship, it sounds like you two are growing apart, but that you two don’t want to admit it… it sucks, but it happens. Not every friendship lasts forever, because people change with time.
NTA
This is an online friendship with someone whom you have never met in real life it sounds like. Just…stop. They are either not who they say they are, or they are a shitty person, but online friendships really are hallow. Move on. Connect with people you can see face to face.
(I am willing to bet this is because they aren’t who they say they are…but, maybe I have watched one to many episodes of Catfish. LOL)
YTA, but let’s be clear, it’s the lashing out and not the message.
Look, this person sounds incredibly frustrating, and communicating that to them is necessary. But doing so in anger is counter-productive. Emotions will get in the way of useful communication, and you will give your friend emotional ammunition to claim that you are being problematic.
It’s time to pull back on this friendship. There are levels to friendships, people we rely on, and people who are just a good time when things line up. Consider where this friend falls and how much energy this relationship deserves.
Why YTA when your rationale is just about how inefficient it is rather than how they made someone feel?
NTA. They’re not your friend. They just like the idea of you being there for them. A real friend wouldn’t ghost your attempts to talk about your feelings. You finally gave them a consequence.
NTA but sounds like this close friend isn’t your friend if they don’t keep their promises & keep lying to you.
I’m a little confused why you are so desperate to hang out with someone who treats you like this? And then you lash out at them, like that will make them want to hang out with you more?
It sucks being treated like this, but it also seems like you have no idea what they are going through right now and are offering no sort of support for them? This post comes off as very “me, me, me, me”, so it’s hard for me to blame your friend for being distant.