AITA for not having any contact with my parents and brother after constantly violating and ignoring my boundaries and safety?

I(27F) have been struggling with whether I’m being unfair or if my reaction is justified.

In October, my brother(21M), who has a diagnosed mental illness, stopped taking his medication and came to stay with me. His condition quickly escalated: he wasn’t sleeping, was incoherent, and behaving irrationally. On the night of October 3rd, while I was asleep, he entered my bedroom naked and tried to get into my bed, saying he wanted to hug me. I was terrified and called the police. Although the police initially said they couldn’t act because he seemed “adequate,” they later took him voluntarily to a psychiatric clinic. He was released shortly afterward despite my attempts to explain the situation. Later that morning, he followed me home and threatened to break into my apartment if I didn’t open the door. That evening, police detained him again after he became aggressive in public and fought with officers. This time, he was involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric clinic by court order. After this, my mother came to stay with me, originally for a week, to visit my brother. I made it very clear I didn’t want to be involved in anything related to him. Despite this, I was repeatedly pressured to help with logistics, translation, phone calls, and emotional support. Her stay was extended without my consent to a month.

Around New Year’ Eve, my father visited me and my husband on his own initiative (we didn’t invite him). I initially thought this was an attempt to make peace, but instead he was openly hostile toward my husband from the start. Whenever my husband wasn’t around, my father repeatedly accused him of being manipulative and of “tricking” me into marriage, despite the fact that I proposed first and the timeline was entirely my decision. Throughout the visit, my father also kept pressuring me to contact my brother, even though I had clearly stated months earlier that I did not want to be pushed into any involvement and that continuing to do so would lead me to cut contact. I let it slide at the time because he was a guest. The breaking point came when he woke me up at 7 a.m., pounding on our bedroom door for no emergency reason, just to hand me a written “life plan” he had made for me. This plan involved me returning to my home country, preferably without my husband, abandoning my education and career, working under my father, and living under my parents’ control. He spent the entire day pushing this plan and dismissing my actual goals until I finally snapped.

After that, my parents continued a pattern of extreme panic and control: repeatedly catastrophizing minor external events, demanding immediate responses at all hours (including the middle of the night), and threatening to come to me if I didn’t reply fast enough. When I said that I was not responsible for managing their anxiety, my father demanded instant responses whenever he texted. That was it, and I cut the contact.

AITA for cutting contact after all? What should I do?

14 thoughts on “AITA for not having any contact with my parents and brother after constantly violating and ignoring my boundaries and safety?”
  1. NTA

    You made the right choice

    When growing plants they need pruning, cutting off the toxic/bad parts of the plant so the rest may thrive

    It sounds like its time for emotional pruning, if it were me I would move to another state, province, or country away from them and go no contact so they cant follow

  2. I see posts like this frequently and I’ll always say the same thing. You are NTA for setting your own boundaries, especially when their actions are impacting your own mental health! If you genuinely feel at peace without them then prioritise yourself and keep it that way. Just because they’re your family doesn’t mean you need to put up with constant attacks to your own wellbeing. Best wishes <3

  3. NTA and I’d go so far as to get a restraining order to avoid the abuse. These are not good people who want the best (and even want what’s bad) for their offspring. more than your brother has mental issues and maybe your parents caused this or made his problems worse.

  4. NTA – holy gods. Do anything you possibly can to cut them from your life. They sound awful at best, dangerous at worst.

  5. NTAH! Seems both your parents are also mentally ill as well. Especially your father! Cut off contact with all 3 parents & live your life happily & safely without them.

    Mental illness must be managed with the medication & therapy or no one is safe. Keep your safety,?peace of mind & continue your dreams of the future you’ve planned & stay away from toxic people. Blood family or chosen family… anyone not respecting your boundaries should be cut out like rotting fruit.

  6. NTA. Stay no contact. Your father is controlling and has no respect for you. Keep them out of your life. Hope your brother gets the help he needs.

  7. NTA and get a restraining order on your brother. As for your parents, block everything that you can. Next time they step foot on your property, tell them they are not welcome at your house and to leave. When they refuse, call the cops for trespassing. Then get a restraining order on them. Also, if you can, move to a new place. Just no more communication with them ever again. This will cause a toll on your marriage too if it doesn’t get nipped in the bud now.

  8. NTA…but maybe your dad should make a “life plan” for your brother that moves him back to your home country. As hard as I know it must be, you’re doing the right thing.

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