I’m really frustrated. My in laws pretty much guilt tripped all of us to travel out of state to go to a grandpa’s birthday party and I as a daughter in law have already shared a hotel room with them several times and I’m so uncomfortable. They are paying for us to come because otherwise we can’t afford a hotel and trip at this time as we’re already dealing with infertility. Well I finally spoke up and I said me and my husband need our own room and then they said we would have to help pay then if we didn’t want to share a room. I got pretty upset at them and told them we won’t come then because having our own room is not a luxury it’s a need. Am I the asshole?! EDIT TO ADD: They are paying for everyone to come not just us we are the only ones expected to share a room since we don’t have kids
YTA – If you cannot afford something and it’s provided to you, you don’t get the luxury of demanding more (your own room.) I understand it’s uncomfortable, but then you should simply not go. Why isn’t your husband handling his family interactions? He should be the one broaching these conversations on your behalf as their his family.
I told them I’m fine not to go! I said if it’s too much money we don’t have to come. But I’m not sharing a hotel room with them again I need my own privacy as an in law. And also my husband already talked about it with them how we would need our own room since they are booking everything and then last night they told us we would have to pay then and I said then we can’t go this trip is already a lot to ask.
Why can’t your husband just go by himself then? He can stay with his parents and you can stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Let husband go without you and share the room. It’s his family.
Yeah I’m leaning towards this as well
Don’t lean. Do.
The first time you break a pattern is the hardest. The second time you’re starting a new pattern. By the third time people are starting to anticipate your response.
But you can’t get to the third time unless you get past the first and second.
“The first time you break a pattern is the hardest” Yes! And getting past that initial discomfort of disappointing someone else, being seen as difficult, etc. can be hard, but keep showing up anyway with your boundaries intact and eventually people will accept and appreciate that. Something is better than nothing with relationships and boundaries.
My MIL is also very demanding and controlling. I went along with her insistence for a couple years, then I stopped. She told me that would never happen again. I told her it will, and that I’m an adult and can make my own decisions.
Wanna know her reaction? She stopped trying to control me. She continues to control those who allow it. She knows I don’t.
I highly recommend you stand up to her. In this case, I would send hubby and I’d stay home.
YTA. Grow up. People don’t make others do anything. If you don’t wanna go then stay home. If you want your own hotel room, get your credit card out. Simple.
Yep, YTA. Big families squeezing into only a few rooms to save on $$$ is a very normal thing.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own space, just pay for it, like they said. No one is stopping you.
You’re NTA for wanting privacy but that’s not free. Pay for your own room
or don’t go.
That’s what I do. As the single, childfree one in my family, I used to get the worst accommodations…often stuck on a couch instead of a bed. As a young adult, I had to tolerate it. Now that I’m older with a good salary, I don’t.
So I pay for what I want. I don’t share a bedroom at home and I definitely won’t share one on a vacation when the trip is supposed to be a treat and relaxing.
I have a big family that travels frequently for events and reunions. I was also a couch surfer or a floor sleeper as a kid and never complained. The first time I could afford a hotel room, my aunt tried to stick one of her kids in it with me. I put my foot down that it was not happening, now or ever again haha.
You see fair as all households get their own room.
They see fair as every room must have at least 3 occupants.
NAH but they’re paying, so you will be an asshole if you keep bothering her. Pay for an extra room, deal with it, or drop out of the trip.